First, we would like to apologize for the delay in getting this out to you. But due to circumstances out of either of our control, it was necessary. From here on out, we will be doing the Naughty Thought of the Week and one Q&A session a week until things get sorted out, so please continue to send in your questions. If there is anything pressing, you can reach either one of us on Twitter or via gchat (if gchat is not being a fucking asshole, that is) and we will try and help you the best we can. Some of you know what's been going on with us, and we appreciate your continued support and thoughts. We would like to thank you in advance for your patience and understanding in this matter. We love you all.
Khar and Nan
Now, on with the questions!!!
Blowjobs?
Hey girls.
Blow Jobs. Got any tips for a girl who has never given one because she is too scared that she is going to be awful at it?
Steph
Khar Says: Blow jobs are more like art than science… everyone has different likes and dislikes. But there are some basics that we can cover.
First of all, only take in as much as you can. Despite what some men seem to believe, deep throating is indeed a talent and not something all women can just do naturally. So you take in as much as you can until your gag reflex kicks in, and you wrap your hand around the part of the shaft that’s not in your mouth.
I’m sure you know the mechanics of how a man gets off so we’ll skip over the technical aspects, but you really just bob your head up and down in harmony with your hand. Make sure you hollow your cheeks and suck but guard your teeth as much as possible. Some men enjoy a little bit of teeth, but it’s all about preference so the first time I like to think its better safe than sorry. And please, for the love of all things holy, relax! And don’t ignore the balls, massage them and they like a little tongue too.
Also, give some thought to the spit vs. swallow topic, which has already been covered so you can go back through the blog and read up on that. You don’t want to be caught in a situation with a mouth full of jizz and a dilemma as to what to do with it. That’s never fun.
Also, never feel like you’re obligated to give oral sex. It should be enjoyable, even for the person giving.
Nan Says: First, take a few deep breaths. Now that we’ve got that out of the way you need to relax. As long as you stay relaxed and don’t panic you should be fine. But there are some important things that you’ll want to try to keep in mind when giving a blow job.
If you like popsicles or suckers, you should be able to do this just fine. Guys like it when you lick from the tip to the base and back down. Some even like it when you dip your tongue into the tip of the penis and swirl it around the head. You have to keep in mind that the tip of the penis has a mega fuckton of nerve endings… so it’s very sensitive. Light nibbling is perfectly acceptable too.
To be honest, I think the thing that panics girls out the most is choking. They’re afraid of triggering their gag reflex, and that’s a very valid concern… who wants to puke in their man’s lap? But you don’t NEED to deep throat a cock on your first try. If you manage to succeed, wonderful, but don’t feel like it’s necessary. The trick to deep throating is to hollow out your cheeks and relax your throat. Only take is as much as you can and you should be good.
Ultimately, it all varies guy by guy. Big cocks, little cocks… they all like something different. Some like teeth, some do NOT. Some like when you play with their balls or when you pump the shaft with your hand. Take your queues from your man; he won’t lead you astray… especially if his dick is in your mouth.
Conclusion: Just like every man has different preferences and enjoys different things during oral sex, every woman’s style is going to be different. Go with what you know and what you can do. Don’t push yourself into doing something you don’t want, either. But when you’re ready, to go fucking town and make us proud. We give blowjobs four tits up.
Back in the game...
Okay I am embarrassed. I am 41 single mom of three. I have raised my kids on my own for 14 years. I choose to not date or have sex or even masturbate for the last 14 years. Well someone got me reading fan fiction and no look out. It stirs up alot of feelings. One kid has moved out and the other 2 in high school so i thought it was my time to start dating. I am on a website and since I haven't date since I was 17 man this all new. I am not sure if I want to date or just fuck someone to get it over with. Help having sex again after nothing in 14 years is beyond scary. He will probably touch me and I'll faint. Then in having not seen a penis in 14 years it is like being in high school all over again. God I hate my life right now. Got in advice on how I can get back in the game and what I should do first.
Do you go down on a guy you just met with no condom. I am sorry alot of questions.
Thanx for reading, do what you do best and try to answer the questions.
Thanx
Sassy
Khar Says: First of all, take a deep breath and relax. I know the idea of diving back into sex is daunting, but the mechanics of it haven’t changed so there’s no reason to be nervous.
I do suggest getting to know your own body again before doing anything with anyone else. I’m a big believer that women should be intimately acquainted with their bodies and know what makes themselves tick before they allow anyone else to find out. Basically, you should learn to love and appreciate your body before you can have someone else love and appreciate it. Buy a vibrator and use it. Explore.
When you’re comfortable enough with your sexuality alone, then go out and seek a partner. Whether to find something serious or a fling is completely a personal decision. I personally have no problem with people having flings as long as they remain safe. And, as the usual warning, I must say please be cautious meeting men online on dating websites and craigslist, ect.
Always, always, always practice safe sex! Just because a man appears healthy does not mean he’s clean! The rate of women contracting Chlamydia has increased over 40% the past few years, with over 1 million people contracting it in the year 2007 alone. That is the largest number of cases of people contracting ANY disease in one year reported to the Center for Disease control ever. It’s curable, thankfully, but it’s not something you want! And unfortunately, in a lot of cases people have no idea they even have it because they go symptomless, especially men. So always use condoms.
I also suggest condoms with oral sex. I know, people don’t like using them and I understand completely. It’s not really sexy going down on a guy with some latex strapped to it. But they make flavored condoms for a reason. You can contract many diseases from oral sex, including herpes and HIV, so the healthcare worker in me says a big ol’ “hell yes” to using a condom. But I know logically most people don’t.
Sex shouldn’t be scary, even if you’ve been out of the game for a long time. Sex should be fun and enjoyable. Don’t stress about it or feel like it’s something you HAVE to do. Explore yourself and when you’re ready, explore what’s out there. But don’t rush just for the sake of doing it.
Nan Says: Wow. 14 years of celibacy. I am admirably impressed. And honestly, there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed. What I would suggest first is buying yourself a nice vibrator or dildo. You’re going to need to relearn your body so that you know what you like. Trust me, men LOVE when you tell them what you like.
Explore yourself. Touch your nipples, pinch and roll them between your finger and thumb, and figure out how much pressure you like to be used when playing with them. If you like being pinched hard, there’s a good chance that you’ll like them being nibbled on. If they’re big enough, you could even try licking and sucking on your nipples on your own.
Once you’ve got the best method down for your breasts, you’re gonna want to move on. Now you need to figure out what your body needs to orgasm. Some women need only penetration to orgasm. Some need clitoral stimulation and some need g-spot stimulation. Some need a combination of them. Go back and read our segment on toys and you’ll get some good pointers on how exactly to please yourself with a toy. Or you can use your fingers.
In any case, once you’re sure of that, it should be easier to figure out if you want a fuck-buddy or a serious relationship. If it’s a fuck-buddy you want, proceed with caution. I would suggest using a condom at all times until you know someone’s history. Obviously for a fuck-buddy you won’t have the whole ‘family past’ conversation, but you want to protect yourself from any kind of STDs.
And as far as giving a guy that you just met a blowjob without a condom… my mind wants to scream yes. It’s okay as long as you can’t see any open sores and nothing looks unusual… but there are so many mitigating factors that could change everything. I would say the best thing for you to do is to go with your gut.
If you want anymore detailed information that you’re scared to ask… feel free to email us personally and we’ll be happy to help privately. Good luck!
Conclusion: We truly believe that any woman must know her own body before she finds a sexual partner. You should know what you like and what you want when you go into sex, trust us, it makes it so much more enjoyable. And sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. It’s supposed to make you feel good and de-stress you. But always proceed with caution when taking on a new partner. There is too much scary shit out there to be reckless. But you have our support and assistance if you need it.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Water sports… because conserving the Earth’s valuable resources is everyone’s responsibility, so why not have fun while you’re at it?
Shower sex. Yum, fucking, yum. Or even better, outside in the rain. Can’t you feel the water beating down on your naked flesh? Feels nice, doesn’t it? And your man is there, right behind you, caressing your body. His hands are roaming over your skin, following the trails of water straight to your sex. And well… if you don’t know what to do from there, we don’t know how to fucking help you.
Water play is most certainly fun. And you save a little water while you’re at it. Maybe. Probably. Yeah, because if he was that fucking horny, he’d have taken the time to rub one out in the shower. At least now you’ve saved 15 minutes of running water. You’ve done your green duty of the day. And you even got something out of it.
Just be careful, shower sex can sometimes lead to unfortunate accidents. All that ceramic and all that tile being wet = possibility of disaster. We suggest making sure you have a bath mat if you’re making whoopee in the shower. That will cut down on the chances of you falling and cracking your head open.
And a side note on having sex in the rain… in the movies they make it look fun, even sexy. That might be true, if you’re having sex in a warm, gentle shower. It’s not going to be so fun or sexy if it turns into a cold, wet downpour.
We give water sports 4 tits up. Have you noticed that we either really like stuff or we really don’t. At least we aren’t wishy-washy. Anyway… all tits considered, be green.
Water play is most certainly fun. And you save a little water while you’re at it. Maybe. Probably. Yeah, because if he was that fucking horny, he’d have taken the time to rub one out in the shower. At least now you’ve saved 15 minutes of running water. You’ve done your green duty of the day. And you even got something out of it.
Just be careful, shower sex can sometimes lead to unfortunate accidents. All that ceramic and all that tile being wet = possibility of disaster. We suggest making sure you have a bath mat if you’re making whoopee in the shower. That will cut down on the chances of you falling and cracking your head open.
And a side note on having sex in the rain… in the movies they make it look fun, even sexy. That might be true, if you’re having sex in a warm, gentle shower. It’s not going to be so fun or sexy if it turns into a cold, wet downpour.
We give water sports 4 tits up. Have you noticed that we either really like stuff or we really don’t. At least we aren’t wishy-washy. Anyway… all tits considered, be green.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Q&A - Week 3, Part 1
Question
What are some good positions for people who are starting to have sex for the first time?
Anon
Khar Says: I first must admit that I can't speak on what I playfully refer to as "devirginization" from experience, so Nan may be a better authority on first-time sex. Mine was overly traumatic as it was forceful rape, so my view on it personally is a bit skewed. I have, however, done some pretty extensive research on the topic, so I'll speak from that.
There are pros and cons to every position, some allowing for deeper penetration, and they each differ on who is in control. When losing your virginity it is ideal to retain some control yourself, so the woman being on top would be the best option as you'd have nearly complete control over the situation. But realistically I know first timers are often nervous and of course inexperienced and would prefer to be guided somewhat. Typically people automatically go for missionary position, but I myself suggest spooning, because the penetration isn't too deep for a first timer and you both have almost equal control in the matter.
One thing I don't suggest, however, is doggy-style. The penetration is often too deep for the first time and you really lack all control. Plus it's usually not very intimate or romantic, and I think losing your virginity should be that way. It should have meaning to it and be special, and there's only so much romanticism to a guy bending you over and taking you from behind.
Hope that helps, and I recommend not doing it until you're 100% sure you're ready. Trust me when I say your virginity isn't something you want to have wasted, as you can't get it back and you don't want to spend the rest of your life wishing it could've meant something.
Nan Says: For first-timers, there are a lot of different things you can try to make it easier and less painful for you. Because, unless you’re hymen is already torn, it’s gonna hurt when that bad boy rips. My own deflowering happened nearly 14 years ago and I can still remember that it fucking hurt.
A lot of people just assume that missionary is the best position, or they’re not experienced enough to try something different. I’m going to say that missionary is probably NOT the way you want to lose your virginity. With missionary, you’ve relinquished any kind of control you might have had and given it to the guy. And that’s not always a bad thing, but he might not know how much force or pressure to use.
My suggestion would be for a girl to be on top. You can lower yourself down onto him at your own pace and you’re completely in control. You can’t stop him from bucking his hips up, but at least you can lift yourself up if need be.
Another good position would be spooning. But, if I could go back and do it again, I’d have been on top. Hope that answers your questions, and as always, please be safe and responsible when having sex. And never forget… at ANY point you are allowed to change your mind. Don’t let someone pressure you into having sex just because you’re already naked and you said you would. If you want to stop, you should always have the right to do so. *muah*
Conclusion: First, we all have to agree that giving up your virginity willingly is a pretty big deal. You have to be ready for it, and you have to really take into consideration the fact that it’s something you can never take back. Your virginity is a lot more important than your first kiss, or your first boyfriend, even if those things are very big moments in time.
Take your time and really make sure this is what you want. And don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want. But when you’re ready, give our suggestions a shot… it won’t take away the pain, but it might diminish it.
Hey there Khar and Nan
Boobies Bear
I thought I'd ask a question someone else might be a little afraid or embarrased to ask. I have no shame though.
How can a girl know if she's having (or ever had) an orgasm? Its not as obvious as a guy's orgasm, seeing as how I've never heard of a girl giving a guy and angry dragon.
Boobies Bear
Khar Says: I could sit here and spout off some medical terminology, but when it comes to orgasms I think it's better to just be straightforward. When a female orgasms, some pretty amazing things happen within the body. You'll feel a tension building within your pelvic region, for some people followed by a paralysis feeling in your muscles. The orgasm itself occurs when that tension built up from stimulation is suddenly released, which causes a series of involuntary muscle contractions in your pelvic area that can be felt in your vagina and uterus and even your rectum. It's an intense pleasure, one that can't be mistaken. You'll indeed know it, because you'll feel that pressure and then the immediate release. There's no mistaking it.
Here's an interesting tidbit for you about female orgasms... Did you know that when a woman has one, parts of her brain shut off? The parts that deal with anxiety and fear, actually any emotion in general, decreases activity significantly when a female is enduring an orgasm. The only part of the brain that increases function during a female orgasm is the cerebellum, which helps with the coordinating of movements. Scientists are, quite frankly, baffled as to why so much of the female brain reacts to an orgasm when it doesn't happen with men, but it's actual proof that a female can not enjoy sex unless she is free from anxiety... your brain will naturally shut down for you so you can. It goes to show that the mushy relaxed carefree can't think straight feeling you have immediately afterward is for a reason. The man didn't blow your mind; it was your own body intentionally shutting off parts of your brain.
One last parting tidbit - scientists aren't even sure WHY women have orgasms in the first place, they think it may just be an evolutionary fluke that just occurred (like, men having nipples). But I just have to say thank you whatever God or scientific fluke it is that gave them to us :o)
Nan Says: Part of me wants to give you the generic ‘When you have one, you’ll know’ answer, but I’m not gonna do that to you. It’s hard to explain as every orgasm is different, but remember from last week when we talked about what an orgasm is. And ultimately, an orgasm is the culmination of the built up sexual tension, the rapid heartbeat, the labored breathing… everything builds to an incredible crescendo before you find your release.
Toe curling would not be an inaccurate statement when talking about orgasms. They leave you feeling really big and really small, all at the same time. It’s bigger than words can explain. Words fail me as to properly explain them and I can’t give you medical terms… perhaps Khar can do so. I wish I could help more.
Conclusion: *low whistle* Check out the big brains on Khar! So we all learned a valuable lesson today… if a man can cause your brain to literally shut off that way, he’s a fucking keeper. And they don’t even realize that they’ve triggered your body into releasing every bit of stress and anxiety you’ve amassed over the day. Fascinating.
We fucking adore orgasms, literally. We wish we could have them repeatedly, and spontaneously, and all the fucking time. We’re gonna borrow all of your tits on this one, cause 4 just doesn’t do it fucking justice. All the titties, way up high for orgasms!!!
What are some good positions for people who are starting to have sex for the first time?
Anon
Khar Says: I first must admit that I can't speak on what I playfully refer to as "devirginization" from experience, so Nan may be a better authority on first-time sex. Mine was overly traumatic as it was forceful rape, so my view on it personally is a bit skewed. I have, however, done some pretty extensive research on the topic, so I'll speak from that.
There are pros and cons to every position, some allowing for deeper penetration, and they each differ on who is in control. When losing your virginity it is ideal to retain some control yourself, so the woman being on top would be the best option as you'd have nearly complete control over the situation. But realistically I know first timers are often nervous and of course inexperienced and would prefer to be guided somewhat. Typically people automatically go for missionary position, but I myself suggest spooning, because the penetration isn't too deep for a first timer and you both have almost equal control in the matter.
One thing I don't suggest, however, is doggy-style. The penetration is often too deep for the first time and you really lack all control. Plus it's usually not very intimate or romantic, and I think losing your virginity should be that way. It should have meaning to it and be special, and there's only so much romanticism to a guy bending you over and taking you from behind.
Hope that helps, and I recommend not doing it until you're 100% sure you're ready. Trust me when I say your virginity isn't something you want to have wasted, as you can't get it back and you don't want to spend the rest of your life wishing it could've meant something.
Nan Says: For first-timers, there are a lot of different things you can try to make it easier and less painful for you. Because, unless you’re hymen is already torn, it’s gonna hurt when that bad boy rips. My own deflowering happened nearly 14 years ago and I can still remember that it fucking hurt.
A lot of people just assume that missionary is the best position, or they’re not experienced enough to try something different. I’m going to say that missionary is probably NOT the way you want to lose your virginity. With missionary, you’ve relinquished any kind of control you might have had and given it to the guy. And that’s not always a bad thing, but he might not know how much force or pressure to use.
My suggestion would be for a girl to be on top. You can lower yourself down onto him at your own pace and you’re completely in control. You can’t stop him from bucking his hips up, but at least you can lift yourself up if need be.
Another good position would be spooning. But, if I could go back and do it again, I’d have been on top. Hope that answers your questions, and as always, please be safe and responsible when having sex. And never forget… at ANY point you are allowed to change your mind. Don’t let someone pressure you into having sex just because you’re already naked and you said you would. If you want to stop, you should always have the right to do so. *muah*
Conclusion: First, we all have to agree that giving up your virginity willingly is a pretty big deal. You have to be ready for it, and you have to really take into consideration the fact that it’s something you can never take back. Your virginity is a lot more important than your first kiss, or your first boyfriend, even if those things are very big moments in time.
Take your time and really make sure this is what you want. And don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want. But when you’re ready, give our suggestions a shot… it won’t take away the pain, but it might diminish it.
Hey there Khar and Nan
Boobies Bear
I thought I'd ask a question someone else might be a little afraid or embarrased to ask. I have no shame though.
How can a girl know if she's having (or ever had) an orgasm? Its not as obvious as a guy's orgasm, seeing as how I've never heard of a girl giving a guy and angry dragon.
Boobies Bear
Khar Says: I could sit here and spout off some medical terminology, but when it comes to orgasms I think it's better to just be straightforward. When a female orgasms, some pretty amazing things happen within the body. You'll feel a tension building within your pelvic region, for some people followed by a paralysis feeling in your muscles. The orgasm itself occurs when that tension built up from stimulation is suddenly released, which causes a series of involuntary muscle contractions in your pelvic area that can be felt in your vagina and uterus and even your rectum. It's an intense pleasure, one that can't be mistaken. You'll indeed know it, because you'll feel that pressure and then the immediate release. There's no mistaking it.
Here's an interesting tidbit for you about female orgasms... Did you know that when a woman has one, parts of her brain shut off? The parts that deal with anxiety and fear, actually any emotion in general, decreases activity significantly when a female is enduring an orgasm. The only part of the brain that increases function during a female orgasm is the cerebellum, which helps with the coordinating of movements. Scientists are, quite frankly, baffled as to why so much of the female brain reacts to an orgasm when it doesn't happen with men, but it's actual proof that a female can not enjoy sex unless she is free from anxiety... your brain will naturally shut down for you so you can. It goes to show that the mushy relaxed carefree can't think straight feeling you have immediately afterward is for a reason. The man didn't blow your mind; it was your own body intentionally shutting off parts of your brain.
One last parting tidbit - scientists aren't even sure WHY women have orgasms in the first place, they think it may just be an evolutionary fluke that just occurred (like, men having nipples). But I just have to say thank you whatever God or scientific fluke it is that gave them to us :o)
Nan Says: Part of me wants to give you the generic ‘When you have one, you’ll know’ answer, but I’m not gonna do that to you. It’s hard to explain as every orgasm is different, but remember from last week when we talked about what an orgasm is. And ultimately, an orgasm is the culmination of the built up sexual tension, the rapid heartbeat, the labored breathing… everything builds to an incredible crescendo before you find your release.
Toe curling would not be an inaccurate statement when talking about orgasms. They leave you feeling really big and really small, all at the same time. It’s bigger than words can explain. Words fail me as to properly explain them and I can’t give you medical terms… perhaps Khar can do so. I wish I could help more.
Conclusion: *low whistle* Check out the big brains on Khar! So we all learned a valuable lesson today… if a man can cause your brain to literally shut off that way, he’s a fucking keeper. And they don’t even realize that they’ve triggered your body into releasing every bit of stress and anxiety you’ve amassed over the day. Fascinating.
We fucking adore orgasms, literally. We wish we could have them repeatedly, and spontaneously, and all the fucking time. We’re gonna borrow all of your tits on this one, cause 4 just doesn’t do it fucking justice. All the titties, way up high for orgasms!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Q&A - Week 2, Part 2
Porn Star Bear here with my assisstant, Buttsecks Bear. (get it ASSisstant?)
Anyways, Khar and Nan, we were hoping you could give some direction on the wonderful world of the g-spot. I'll be honest, the men in my life - Gangsta Bear and Buttsecks Bear have been rather FAIL in this area. I mean, really, Buttsecks here is great, but my g-spot isn't in my arse. And Gansta Bear, well, lets just say he's no Edward Cullen...
How would a someone go about finding their, or their partner's gspot?
And yes, I'll be sending Gangta Bear over to read your answer to this pressing matter.
Porn Star and Buttsecks Bear
Khar Says: I swear to BOB, men seem to think the G-Spot is as mythical as some seemed to think the Angry Dragon was. And asking for some men to find it is like asking them to locate the Amber Room or find the Holy Grail. They think it's fruitless and won't even try, which leaves some women unable to experience true, uh, 'treasure'. Yeah, bad example, whatever, you get what I'm saying.
The G-Spot is actually the paraurethral gland and was discovered by Dr. Ernest Grafenberg (hence the 'G') to be pleasurable for females. Stimulating it can cause some of the most intense orgasms and can trigger true female ejaculation (aka 'squirting'). (On another note, how fuckawesome is that Dr? Imagine being known for all of time as being the first man to discover the G-Spot. He's EPIC, which is why I gave you his name lol)
Finding it isn't that difficult. Stick a finger or two up inside, hook them up toward the belly button, and slowly pull them out until you hit the little bean shaped spongy thing. It's about the size of a quarter and 1-2 inches back. It swells when blood rushes to it, much like a man's male parts do. You can't fucking miss it, seriously, so if a man says he can't find it, you need not be sleeping with him because he's fucking stupid or too lazy to deserve any pussy (yes, I said it).
Nan Says: G-Spot? *perks up* I like the g-spot. That’s for sure. And you want to know how to find your g-spot. This is right up my alley. :)
For a woman, the g-spot can be difficult to find based on the way your body is built. Generally, you can find it by inserting your longest finger into the vaginal cavity. You’ll want to insert it about two inches or so and curl your finger toward your belly-button. Right around there, you’ll find a bump… it’ll feel like a large, fleshy button. The skin of it will be wrinkled, like a walnut shell. That… is your g-spot.
Once you’ve found your g-spot, it’s easy to determine whether you need g-spot stimulation for orgasm, clitoral stimulation, or both. This is really helpful to know for masturbatory purposes, because while playing with yourself all day sounds good in theory, it’s not so good for your girlie bits.
And on a side note… you mentioned that your g-spot is not in your ass. While you are correct, did you know that the male g-spot IS in his ass? The prostate gland can provide a fuckton of pleasure for a man. In fact, some doctors prescribe prostate stimulation to keep it in good health. But that’s just a friendly public service announcement. ;)
Conclusion: So yeah, find that fucker and pay homage to Dr Grafenberg. Or the original ‘G’. Without him, men would still be lost. But riddle me this, how in the world was it a MAN who found it first? I am disappointed in our female contemporaries from that time. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
We give the g-spot four tits, way the fuck up.
Dear Khar & Nan,
I do a lot of reading and I'd like you to chime in on the cumming on command phenomenon that's so prevalent in fics. Edward says "Cum now, Bella" and presto - she does. She has magic orgasms. Thoughts?
Tracy
Khar Says: Magical orgasms are so prevalent in fics because quite frankly, women are writing out their fantasies. We all love Edward Cullen (why we do is an entirely different question...) and we all love cumming, and we'd all love to have both when we wanted to have them. Unfortunately, here in reality, it doesn't work that way.
Some women find it almost impossible to cum at all, much less on command.
Women aren't as 'easy' to get off as men, a lot of women can't get off on intercourse alone, and orgasming isn't a 'guarantee' with sex for us. For men, it's the culmination/main goal of sex... for us women, it's just a goddamn hope and dream sometimes.
We can chalk it up to one holding out to cum when they're supposed to, and in some lifestyles that's not that far-fetched (BDSM, for example, which i'm not educated enough about to address so if you have any questions on that, please contact Trish over there to the right who will answer all related questions) But for most, it's just not that plausible. In fact, it is indeed 'fiction'.
But, alas, it's pretty fucking hott to read. Just don't get your hopes up for it to happen to you, as the odds of it occurring regularly for the average woman is almost as bad as the odds are getting Edward Cullen into bed.
Nan Says: Ahhh… the magic orgasm. Wouldn’t that be amazing? To just be able to come whenever you wanted to? Just at someone’s command? How hot would that be?
To be honest with you, if it’s my opinion… I think it’s not so much that she has magic orgasms, as it is she holds herself off for so long and his command triggers it. At least that’s the way I would have written it.
But I wish I could have the magic orgasms. I’d get Brian to the point where he’d tell me to come at least 10 times a day. I’d be in a euphoric state forever! I can guarantee he’d get more housework out of me too… all for the price of a bunch of femme-spunk.
Conclusion: *le sigh* Fantasies… magic orgasms… squirting femme-spunk. All on command too… don’t you wish you could have it? We know we do. Even better if it was Edward Cullen doing the commanding. I’m sure, on some primal level, we could make our bodies cooperate to his every whim. Until then, we must either train our bodies to do that… and you’ll have to ask Trish about that… or deal with what you’ve got.
Magic orgasms only get two titties up since they’re fucking stuck here with us, in the real world.
Anyways, Khar and Nan, we were hoping you could give some direction on the wonderful world of the g-spot. I'll be honest, the men in my life - Gangsta Bear and Buttsecks Bear have been rather FAIL in this area. I mean, really, Buttsecks here is great, but my g-spot isn't in my arse. And Gansta Bear, well, lets just say he's no Edward Cullen...
How would a someone go about finding their, or their partner's gspot?
And yes, I'll be sending Gangta Bear over to read your answer to this pressing matter.
Porn Star and Buttsecks Bear
Khar Says: I swear to BOB, men seem to think the G-Spot is as mythical as some seemed to think the Angry Dragon was. And asking for some men to find it is like asking them to locate the Amber Room or find the Holy Grail. They think it's fruitless and won't even try, which leaves some women unable to experience true, uh, 'treasure'. Yeah, bad example, whatever, you get what I'm saying.
The G-Spot is actually the paraurethral gland and was discovered by Dr. Ernest Grafenberg (hence the 'G') to be pleasurable for females. Stimulating it can cause some of the most intense orgasms and can trigger true female ejaculation (aka 'squirting'). (On another note, how fuckawesome is that Dr? Imagine being known for all of time as being the first man to discover the G-Spot. He's EPIC, which is why I gave you his name lol)
Finding it isn't that difficult. Stick a finger or two up inside, hook them up toward the belly button, and slowly pull them out until you hit the little bean shaped spongy thing. It's about the size of a quarter and 1-2 inches back. It swells when blood rushes to it, much like a man's male parts do. You can't fucking miss it, seriously, so if a man says he can't find it, you need not be sleeping with him because he's fucking stupid or too lazy to deserve any pussy (yes, I said it).
Nan Says: G-Spot? *perks up* I like the g-spot. That’s for sure. And you want to know how to find your g-spot. This is right up my alley. :)
For a woman, the g-spot can be difficult to find based on the way your body is built. Generally, you can find it by inserting your longest finger into the vaginal cavity. You’ll want to insert it about two inches or so and curl your finger toward your belly-button. Right around there, you’ll find a bump… it’ll feel like a large, fleshy button. The skin of it will be wrinkled, like a walnut shell. That… is your g-spot.
Once you’ve found your g-spot, it’s easy to determine whether you need g-spot stimulation for orgasm, clitoral stimulation, or both. This is really helpful to know for masturbatory purposes, because while playing with yourself all day sounds good in theory, it’s not so good for your girlie bits.
And on a side note… you mentioned that your g-spot is not in your ass. While you are correct, did you know that the male g-spot IS in his ass? The prostate gland can provide a fuckton of pleasure for a man. In fact, some doctors prescribe prostate stimulation to keep it in good health. But that’s just a friendly public service announcement. ;)
Conclusion: So yeah, find that fucker and pay homage to Dr Grafenberg. Or the original ‘G’. Without him, men would still be lost. But riddle me this, how in the world was it a MAN who found it first? I am disappointed in our female contemporaries from that time. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
We give the g-spot four tits, way the fuck up.
Dear Khar & Nan,
I do a lot of reading and I'd like you to chime in on the cumming on command phenomenon that's so prevalent in fics. Edward says "Cum now, Bella" and presto - she does. She has magic orgasms. Thoughts?
Tracy
Khar Says: Magical orgasms are so prevalent in fics because quite frankly, women are writing out their fantasies. We all love Edward Cullen (why we do is an entirely different question...) and we all love cumming, and we'd all love to have both when we wanted to have them. Unfortunately, here in reality, it doesn't work that way.
Some women find it almost impossible to cum at all, much less on command.
Women aren't as 'easy' to get off as men, a lot of women can't get off on intercourse alone, and orgasming isn't a 'guarantee' with sex for us. For men, it's the culmination/main goal of sex... for us women, it's just a goddamn hope and dream sometimes.
We can chalk it up to one holding out to cum when they're supposed to, and in some lifestyles that's not that far-fetched (BDSM, for example, which i'm not educated enough about to address so if you have any questions on that, please contact Trish over there to the right who will answer all related questions) But for most, it's just not that plausible. In fact, it is indeed 'fiction'.
But, alas, it's pretty fucking hott to read. Just don't get your hopes up for it to happen to you, as the odds of it occurring regularly for the average woman is almost as bad as the odds are getting Edward Cullen into bed.
Nan Says: Ahhh… the magic orgasm. Wouldn’t that be amazing? To just be able to come whenever you wanted to? Just at someone’s command? How hot would that be?
To be honest with you, if it’s my opinion… I think it’s not so much that she has magic orgasms, as it is she holds herself off for so long and his command triggers it. At least that’s the way I would have written it.
But I wish I could have the magic orgasms. I’d get Brian to the point where he’d tell me to come at least 10 times a day. I’d be in a euphoric state forever! I can guarantee he’d get more housework out of me too… all for the price of a bunch of femme-spunk.
Conclusion: *le sigh* Fantasies… magic orgasms… squirting femme-spunk. All on command too… don’t you wish you could have it? We know we do. Even better if it was Edward Cullen doing the commanding. I’m sure, on some primal level, we could make our bodies cooperate to his every whim. Until then, we must either train our bodies to do that… and you’ll have to ask Trish about that… or deal with what you’ve got.
Magic orgasms only get two titties up since they’re fucking stuck here with us, in the real world.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Spit or swallow? Spit or swallow? The pros and cons of spit vs swallow.
If you suck cock, it’s inevitable. At some point in time, your man is gonna jizz in your mouth. The question is, when that happens, what are you gonna do with the spunk? I mean, you’ve got a mouth full of spunk and nothing to do with it.
At a certain point, you’re either gonna have to spit the shit out (and good luck finding a good spot after a surprise ejaculation), or you’re gonna have to put on your big girl panties and swallow that shit down.
Personally, I say don’t let it get to that point. If it can be avoided, stop sucking before he comes and jump right on and ride ‘em cowboy. It’s much more pleasant and you get something out of it as well.
But what about Road Head? Well, if a girl is smart, she plans ahead. Don’t give me that look… you know you fantasize about sucking him off when he’s driving. It’s dangerous, don’t get me wrong. Unless he’s got balls of steel and the control of a champion, you might not want to risk it. Do you really want to explain to your parents why you have to get a steering wheel component surgically removed from your head? Didn’t think so…
Anyway, back to the point, a smart girl plans Road Head in advance. If you’re a spitter, you might want to bring along an empty 20 oz bottle. If you’re a swallower, you’ll want to have something handy to rinse your mouth out.
We suggest swallowing. For some reason the taste seems to linger when you spit it out. Maybe it’s from holding it in your mouth so long, who knows? All we do know is that even if your man’s spunk is ambrosia, it’s still spunk… get the shit out of your mouth, quick. If you don’t, we’ll tell everyone you’re an amateur porn star.
At a certain point, you’re either gonna have to spit the shit out (and good luck finding a good spot after a surprise ejaculation), or you’re gonna have to put on your big girl panties and swallow that shit down.
Personally, I say don’t let it get to that point. If it can be avoided, stop sucking before he comes and jump right on and ride ‘em cowboy. It’s much more pleasant and you get something out of it as well.
But what about Road Head? Well, if a girl is smart, she plans ahead. Don’t give me that look… you know you fantasize about sucking him off when he’s driving. It’s dangerous, don’t get me wrong. Unless he’s got balls of steel and the control of a champion, you might not want to risk it. Do you really want to explain to your parents why you have to get a steering wheel component surgically removed from your head? Didn’t think so…
Anyway, back to the point, a smart girl plans Road Head in advance. If you’re a spitter, you might want to bring along an empty 20 oz bottle. If you’re a swallower, you’ll want to have something handy to rinse your mouth out.
We suggest swallowing. For some reason the taste seems to linger when you spit it out. Maybe it’s from holding it in your mouth so long, who knows? All we do know is that even if your man’s spunk is ambrosia, it’s still spunk… get the shit out of your mouth, quick. If you don’t, we’ll tell everyone you’re an amateur porn star.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Q&A - Week 2, Part 1
Question
Here's my question: Does size really matter to you females, or is that just some ego stroking bullshit you tell us guys?
I've got a million more questions, but Bam wouldn't answer that one for me honestly and I want to know.
Ben
Khar says: Goodness. First of all, to everyone reading this who isn't Ben, I think you should be aware that I would be the "Bam" he's referring to. Ben (for the time being anyway)(just kiddin') is my boyfriend and I'm going to tell you exactly what I've told him.
Size is not the most important factor. You have to know what you're doing with it, regardless of how big it is. I've been with a very well endowed man before who had no idea what he was doing with his dick and frankly I found myself simply laying there thinking "would he hurry the hell up?" but I've been with someone below average who knew what we was doing and could please me. (Don't wanna hear that shit Ben? Maybe you should've just taken my word on it earlier).
Nan will probably explain it better... but it's true. I like big dicks, I won't lie about that. Big dicks that curve upward? Even better. I'd take a small dick with skills over a big dick with no skills anyday, but the greatest of great? A well endowed man who knows what he's doing (So quit being so goddamn paranoid if you ever want laid again LOL)
Nan says: First of all, I can’t even tell you how incredibly happy I am that a guy is on here asking us a question. I’m bouncing around over here like a kid cracked out on Mt Dew and Pixie Sticks. *deep breaths* Okay, I’m good now.
If you really want an honest answer, I’ll give you one. Does size matter? Yes and no. A big dick is great, sure, but if he doesn’t know how to use it, what’s the fucking point? Right? And vice versa, if a guy’s a little less than average, but knows how to rock my world, more power to him.
Ultimately it’s not the size that makes the difference, Benny. It’s all in the way you rock it. What’s the adage? It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. And that’s God’s truth. So whatever Bam said, it was probably true and you just didn’t want to take it at face value. ;)
Conclusion: To be frank, we just want dick that knows what the fuck it’s doing. Big and small, we love them all. But only if they know how to fuck.
sexual healing…
I've been told that song is going to be played at my wedding.
Not sure how my parents would feel about that.
Anyways, I get really bad cramps on my period. Like, my uterus is trying to escape my body and my stomach is running the other direction cramps. Nice visual isn't it? I'm getting to the question, i swear. I've been told that orgasms help relieve that pain, is this true? I've never tried...
Shae
Khar says: Yes, indeed, orgasms are a GREAT way to relieve cramps. I'm not ashamed to say it's a tactic I utilize often.
The reason this works is because an orgasm causes your uterus to contract, which enables it to use up excess prostaglandins in the process. Prostagladins are the hormones produced by your uterine lining that help to stimulate contractions that move menstrual blood out. That's what causes the cramps, the prostaglandins that are creating small contractions to expel blood during your period.
Yeah, there's the medical mambo jambo. The short answer is, getting off indeed helps relieve cramps. Do it. I mean, fuck.... it can't hurt, ya know?
Nan says: That was a mighty nice visual… even more disturbing since I have actually had cramps that painful before. I think I just had sympathy pains. But in answer to your question, yes orgasm can help relieve the pain. Again we’ll go back to the endorphins released during an orgasm but then we’ll expound on it from there.
First you need to understand what an orgasm is. It’s hard to define since they are different for everyone. Even further, each encounter might trigger a different kind of orgasm, but we’ll go with the basics. An orgasm is the pleasurable release of built up tension and sexual energy.
When we orgasm, our hearts beat faster and our breathing comes quicker. The blood is pumped more quickly through our bodies and rushes to the groin. Oxytocin, one of those endorphins we were talking about earlier, is released in the brain giving you a happy and relaxed feeling. Our muscles begin to spasm and ultimately our pelvic muscles contract.
When your pelvic muscles contract it’s similar to a labor contraction, but on a much smaller scale. It feels more like a firm massage. The massaging can ease some of the discomfort from the cramps. Plus the endorphins can act as a pain blocker.
I’d suggest at least giving it a shot. It may or may not work for you, and a lot of that depends on the many factors of your orgasms. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer.
Conclusion: Khar rocks at the medical jargon. Nan has no fucking clue. But we do agree on one thing and that’s that orgasms can definitely make you feel better when you’re cramping. Four more tits way up. Like porn star tits too.
Here's my question: Does size really matter to you females, or is that just some ego stroking bullshit you tell us guys?
I've got a million more questions, but Bam wouldn't answer that one for me honestly and I want to know.
Ben
Khar says: Goodness. First of all, to everyone reading this who isn't Ben, I think you should be aware that I would be the "Bam" he's referring to. Ben (for the time being anyway)(just kiddin') is my boyfriend and I'm going to tell you exactly what I've told him.
Size is not the most important factor. You have to know what you're doing with it, regardless of how big it is. I've been with a very well endowed man before who had no idea what he was doing with his dick and frankly I found myself simply laying there thinking "would he hurry the hell up?" but I've been with someone below average who knew what we was doing and could please me. (Don't wanna hear that shit Ben? Maybe you should've just taken my word on it earlier).
Nan will probably explain it better... but it's true. I like big dicks, I won't lie about that. Big dicks that curve upward? Even better. I'd take a small dick with skills over a big dick with no skills anyday, but the greatest of great? A well endowed man who knows what he's doing (So quit being so goddamn paranoid if you ever want laid again LOL)
Nan says: First of all, I can’t even tell you how incredibly happy I am that a guy is on here asking us a question. I’m bouncing around over here like a kid cracked out on Mt Dew and Pixie Sticks. *deep breaths* Okay, I’m good now.
If you really want an honest answer, I’ll give you one. Does size matter? Yes and no. A big dick is great, sure, but if he doesn’t know how to use it, what’s the fucking point? Right? And vice versa, if a guy’s a little less than average, but knows how to rock my world, more power to him.
Ultimately it’s not the size that makes the difference, Benny. It’s all in the way you rock it. What’s the adage? It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. And that’s God’s truth. So whatever Bam said, it was probably true and you just didn’t want to take it at face value. ;)
Conclusion: To be frank, we just want dick that knows what the fuck it’s doing. Big and small, we love them all. But only if they know how to fuck.
sexual healing…
I've been told that song is going to be played at my wedding.
Not sure how my parents would feel about that.
Anyways, I get really bad cramps on my period. Like, my uterus is trying to escape my body and my stomach is running the other direction cramps. Nice visual isn't it? I'm getting to the question, i swear. I've been told that orgasms help relieve that pain, is this true? I've never tried...
Shae
Khar says: Yes, indeed, orgasms are a GREAT way to relieve cramps. I'm not ashamed to say it's a tactic I utilize often.
The reason this works is because an orgasm causes your uterus to contract, which enables it to use up excess prostaglandins in the process. Prostagladins are the hormones produced by your uterine lining that help to stimulate contractions that move menstrual blood out. That's what causes the cramps, the prostaglandins that are creating small contractions to expel blood during your period.
Yeah, there's the medical mambo jambo. The short answer is, getting off indeed helps relieve cramps. Do it. I mean, fuck.... it can't hurt, ya know?
Nan says: That was a mighty nice visual… even more disturbing since I have actually had cramps that painful before. I think I just had sympathy pains. But in answer to your question, yes orgasm can help relieve the pain. Again we’ll go back to the endorphins released during an orgasm but then we’ll expound on it from there.
First you need to understand what an orgasm is. It’s hard to define since they are different for everyone. Even further, each encounter might trigger a different kind of orgasm, but we’ll go with the basics. An orgasm is the pleasurable release of built up tension and sexual energy.
When we orgasm, our hearts beat faster and our breathing comes quicker. The blood is pumped more quickly through our bodies and rushes to the groin. Oxytocin, one of those endorphins we were talking about earlier, is released in the brain giving you a happy and relaxed feeling. Our muscles begin to spasm and ultimately our pelvic muscles contract.
When your pelvic muscles contract it’s similar to a labor contraction, but on a much smaller scale. It feels more like a firm massage. The massaging can ease some of the discomfort from the cramps. Plus the endorphins can act as a pain blocker.
I’d suggest at least giving it a shot. It may or may not work for you, and a lot of that depends on the many factors of your orgasms. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer.
Conclusion: Khar rocks at the medical jargon. Nan has no fucking clue. But we do agree on one thing and that’s that orgasms can definitely make you feel better when you’re cramping. Four more tits way up. Like porn star tits too.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Q&A - Week 1, Part 2
Question
Is it true that using a....um..... vibrator ::whispers:: too often can cause you to lose sensitivity.......down there?
Name Withheld
Khar says: This is actually quite a loaded question, and I suppose it depends on what you'd call "too often". There's no harm is using a vibrator five days a week, if you desire to. The main problem that lies with vibrators isn't losing sensitivity or using them too often, it's prolonged contact and causing nerve and muscular damage in the pelvic region, most often around the clitoris. This can cause a burning sensation, a sharp stabbing feeling, tingling, and itching. It doesn't feel pretty, I can assure you of that.
Prolonged use, or pressing against one area too hard or too long, can cause nerve inflammation and damage, which can be a long term problem that requires medical treatment. Many women who suffer this are too embarrassed to seek medical intervention because of the source problem, but it is a fixable situation and you can find relief with physical therapy and drug treatment. Nerves will settle and heal with time, but it can sometimes take years for things to be restored depending on the severity of the damage.
The easiest way to avoid this, regardless of if you use your vibrator once a month or multiple times a week, is to make sure you do NOT press too hard. Yes, sometimes we get carried away and get into it and it feels good and we're tempted to press hard directly on the clit, because frankly the shit can create intense orgasms. But you need to be careful, because those areas are sensitive and needed to be treated as so. Don't press too hard, and don't hold the vibe in one spot for a long time.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to say that vibrators are WONDERFUL and don't let 'what if's stop you from utilizing them, because ANYTHING, if used incorrectly, can cause you damage. If you follow some basic safety rules, most of which is simply common sense, vibrators are harmless. And remember, if it starts to burn during use or gets too intense, stop before you push yourself too far. Many of us who use vibrators, whether we admit it or not, have encountered a situation where we 'overdid' it and the next day (or for a few days afterward) the clit in overly sensitive, maybe even painful until it heals up.
Don't let it discourage you from vibe play every day, if that's what floats your boat. Just remember to respect your lady parts ladies, and listen to your bodies and never press too hard or too long.
Nan says: Surprisingly, there is not a lot of information to be had on the use of vibrators. It’s probably something that the medical community should start researching though. From everything I’ve ever heard or learned, normal vibrator use should not cause long term damage. Of course, normal use can cause temporary numbness, but generally feeling returns shortly after.
Think about it this way… the clitoris is a very sensitive part of your body. It’s covered by a thin hood of skin that’s also very sensitive. Neither of these parts of your body generally sees the sun, nor do they generally have any contact with anything other than your pants or your panties. So any kind of stimulation directly to the clitoris is going to affect it.
Now, we need to define ‘normal use’ of a vibrator. Using your vibrator even as many as five times during a week shouldn’t hurt you. What CAN possibly hurt you is how long you’re using your vibe. Anything in excess of 30 minutes or so runs the risk of causing serious damage.
The most important thing to remember when using any kind of toy is to properly clean your toy before and after each and every use. I would imagine that most cases of nerve damage have less to do with the use of the vibrator and more to do with the germs and bacteria growing on a vibrator that are then introduced to the vagina and the clitoris.
Even if you are the only person to you your vibrator (and sharing is generally not recommended) you can still get an infection from it. Most vibrators are made of a jelly like material that’s very porous. Even an anti-bacterial soap isn’t going to properly clean your toys because the soap can get stuck in the pores. A good toy cleaner (available at any adult novelty store or online) is highly recommended to clean your toy. The consistency of the cleaner assures that there will be no leftover residue and it has been formulated to not damage your toy.
Before and after use, you should always spritz your toy generously with an appropriate toy cleaner and let it set for about 30 seconds before rinsing thoroughly and patting dry with a paper towel. The correct kind of lube is also important when using toys. Silicone based lubricants can damage your toy by breaking down the outer jelly-like covering. Water based lubricants are suggested with silicone toys.
For further information, please follow these links:
http://www.emandlo.com/2009/03/dr-kate-bad-vibrations/
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Sexuality--Relationships/vibrators-and-sensitivity/show/262358
Conclusion: Bottom line, if you respect your toys and your body (most importantly your clit) using a vibrator is actually very healthy for you. The endorphins caused from an orgasm can do wonders for you. It can do anything from curing a headache to clearing out your sinuses. The afterglow of the orgasm also leaves you in a euphoric state, which is a much more natural cure for minor depression.
Khar and Nan use vibes responsibly and encourage you to do so as well. Another four enthusiastic tits up from us.
another question of concern
After reading your welcome note, I was struck with the realization that I am a bit lost...not that this is something unusual.
Inquiring minds must know..what the fuck is a DONKEY PUNCH...and why would I EVER want my husband to do it.?
More importantly....how do i keep myself from knocking the fuck out of him if he tried it...?
Just some basic thoughts...
Thanks,
Jenny
Khar says: I wanna get serious for a moment (yeah, I'm sorry, it comes from working with doctors) and say first and foremost, donkey punches are no joke. A donkey punch can result in serious harm and is potentially lethal. A blow to the back of the head can cause severe trauma... memory loss, pain, bleeding within the skull, sensory deficits, or neck injury. The neck injury could be severe to the point of it causing a fracture (aka a broken neck), which could lead to paralysis and death. All from something that medical professionals will tell you doesn't even work, because there is no definitive link between blunt force trauma to the head and the involuntarily tightening of the anus.
So essentially, you're assaulting a woman (or man, if that's your thing) and risking seriously harming them on the off chance that you don't knock them the fuck out with the blow and they'll accidentally tense up so make your orgasm feel better. Yeah... perfect sense guys. I assure you if you do it, you're going to wind up behind bars and some guy will likely try it out on you, because even the most hardened criminals are disgusted by sex offenders and women beaters (and you'll be classified as both after pulling a 'donkey punch')
Theoretically, they're fun to talk about. There are even different types of donkey punches, such as the Brass Donkey Punch (using brass knuckles) and the Atomic Donkey Punch (using an aluminum bat for the blow), which are even more harmful. And, of course, there's the never ending debate as to whether or not it has to be ass play, or if simply fucking the pussy doggystyle and punching them in the back of the head can be construed as a 'Donkey Punch'. I suppose it's like the chicken and the egg, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop. One will likely never know the answer.
Nan says: Donkey punch, eh? The banner must have people thinking… and you’re either thinking ‘What the fuck is wrong with these girls’ or ‘Holy hell, I’ve always wanted to know that!’ Either way, you’ll get your answer now.
A donkey punch is a horrible thing. It’s very nearly assault. During anal sex, the fucker would punch the fuckee in the back of the head right before ejaculation. This (theoretically) causes the anal cavity to tighten up in response and makes the orgasm much more enjoyable for the fucker.
First of all, what the fuck is up with hitting people in the back of the head during sex? Dragons, and now donkeys too, involve hitting people in the head. I’d avoid any of these fucking animals at all costs if I were you.
In answer to your question, no you would NOT want your lover to do this to you. Ever. And if he does, please knock him the fuck out for me too. That’s just so many different kinds of wrong it’s not even funny. Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine.
So if your sexual partner donkey punches you without your consent, like you’d consent to that anyway, here’s what you do… First, you’ll want to wait until they’re asleep. Then I want you to take something roughly the size of a dick and shove it up his ass. There will be no need for lube because you’re proving a point here. When the asshole starts bucking, punch him in the back of the fucking head and ask him how he likes it. I can guarantee one thing… he’ll never do it again.
Conclusion: Donkey Punch = EPIC FAIL. In fact, it’s SO epically fucking fail we give it four saggy ass titties WAY down. And on a side note – don’t take Nan’s advice for revenge as it was just added for humor’s sake. If you really do get Donkey Punched, you’d be better off contacting law enforcement and pressing assault charges.
Is it true that using a....um..... vibrator ::whispers:: too often can cause you to lose sensitivity.......down there?
Name Withheld
Khar says: This is actually quite a loaded question, and I suppose it depends on what you'd call "too often". There's no harm is using a vibrator five days a week, if you desire to. The main problem that lies with vibrators isn't losing sensitivity or using them too often, it's prolonged contact and causing nerve and muscular damage in the pelvic region, most often around the clitoris. This can cause a burning sensation, a sharp stabbing feeling, tingling, and itching. It doesn't feel pretty, I can assure you of that.
Prolonged use, or pressing against one area too hard or too long, can cause nerve inflammation and damage, which can be a long term problem that requires medical treatment. Many women who suffer this are too embarrassed to seek medical intervention because of the source problem, but it is a fixable situation and you can find relief with physical therapy and drug treatment. Nerves will settle and heal with time, but it can sometimes take years for things to be restored depending on the severity of the damage.
The easiest way to avoid this, regardless of if you use your vibrator once a month or multiple times a week, is to make sure you do NOT press too hard. Yes, sometimes we get carried away and get into it and it feels good and we're tempted to press hard directly on the clit, because frankly the shit can create intense orgasms. But you need to be careful, because those areas are sensitive and needed to be treated as so. Don't press too hard, and don't hold the vibe in one spot for a long time.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to say that vibrators are WONDERFUL and don't let 'what if's stop you from utilizing them, because ANYTHING, if used incorrectly, can cause you damage. If you follow some basic safety rules, most of which is simply common sense, vibrators are harmless. And remember, if it starts to burn during use or gets too intense, stop before you push yourself too far. Many of us who use vibrators, whether we admit it or not, have encountered a situation where we 'overdid' it and the next day (or for a few days afterward) the clit in overly sensitive, maybe even painful until it heals up.
Don't let it discourage you from vibe play every day, if that's what floats your boat. Just remember to respect your lady parts ladies, and listen to your bodies and never press too hard or too long.
Nan says: Surprisingly, there is not a lot of information to be had on the use of vibrators. It’s probably something that the medical community should start researching though. From everything I’ve ever heard or learned, normal vibrator use should not cause long term damage. Of course, normal use can cause temporary numbness, but generally feeling returns shortly after.
Think about it this way… the clitoris is a very sensitive part of your body. It’s covered by a thin hood of skin that’s also very sensitive. Neither of these parts of your body generally sees the sun, nor do they generally have any contact with anything other than your pants or your panties. So any kind of stimulation directly to the clitoris is going to affect it.
Now, we need to define ‘normal use’ of a vibrator. Using your vibrator even as many as five times during a week shouldn’t hurt you. What CAN possibly hurt you is how long you’re using your vibe. Anything in excess of 30 minutes or so runs the risk of causing serious damage.
The most important thing to remember when using any kind of toy is to properly clean your toy before and after each and every use. I would imagine that most cases of nerve damage have less to do with the use of the vibrator and more to do with the germs and bacteria growing on a vibrator that are then introduced to the vagina and the clitoris.
Even if you are the only person to you your vibrator (and sharing is generally not recommended) you can still get an infection from it. Most vibrators are made of a jelly like material that’s very porous. Even an anti-bacterial soap isn’t going to properly clean your toys because the soap can get stuck in the pores. A good toy cleaner (available at any adult novelty store or online) is highly recommended to clean your toy. The consistency of the cleaner assures that there will be no leftover residue and it has been formulated to not damage your toy.
Before and after use, you should always spritz your toy generously with an appropriate toy cleaner and let it set for about 30 seconds before rinsing thoroughly and patting dry with a paper towel. The correct kind of lube is also important when using toys. Silicone based lubricants can damage your toy by breaking down the outer jelly-like covering. Water based lubricants are suggested with silicone toys.
For further information, please follow these links:
http://www.emandlo.com/2009/03/dr-kate-bad-vibrations/
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Sexuality--Relationships/vibrators-and-sensitivity/show/262358
Conclusion: Bottom line, if you respect your toys and your body (most importantly your clit) using a vibrator is actually very healthy for you. The endorphins caused from an orgasm can do wonders for you. It can do anything from curing a headache to clearing out your sinuses. The afterglow of the orgasm also leaves you in a euphoric state, which is a much more natural cure for minor depression.
Khar and Nan use vibes responsibly and encourage you to do so as well. Another four enthusiastic tits up from us.
another question of concern
After reading your welcome note, I was struck with the realization that I am a bit lost...not that this is something unusual.
Inquiring minds must know..what the fuck is a DONKEY PUNCH...and why would I EVER want my husband to do it.?
More importantly....how do i keep myself from knocking the fuck out of him if he tried it...?
Just some basic thoughts...
Thanks,
Jenny
Khar says: I wanna get serious for a moment (yeah, I'm sorry, it comes from working with doctors) and say first and foremost, donkey punches are no joke. A donkey punch can result in serious harm and is potentially lethal. A blow to the back of the head can cause severe trauma... memory loss, pain, bleeding within the skull, sensory deficits, or neck injury. The neck injury could be severe to the point of it causing a fracture (aka a broken neck), which could lead to paralysis and death. All from something that medical professionals will tell you doesn't even work, because there is no definitive link between blunt force trauma to the head and the involuntarily tightening of the anus.
So essentially, you're assaulting a woman (or man, if that's your thing) and risking seriously harming them on the off chance that you don't knock them the fuck out with the blow and they'll accidentally tense up so make your orgasm feel better. Yeah... perfect sense guys. I assure you if you do it, you're going to wind up behind bars and some guy will likely try it out on you, because even the most hardened criminals are disgusted by sex offenders and women beaters (and you'll be classified as both after pulling a 'donkey punch')
Theoretically, they're fun to talk about. There are even different types of donkey punches, such as the Brass Donkey Punch (using brass knuckles) and the Atomic Donkey Punch (using an aluminum bat for the blow), which are even more harmful. And, of course, there's the never ending debate as to whether or not it has to be ass play, or if simply fucking the pussy doggystyle and punching them in the back of the head can be construed as a 'Donkey Punch'. I suppose it's like the chicken and the egg, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop. One will likely never know the answer.
Nan says: Donkey punch, eh? The banner must have people thinking… and you’re either thinking ‘What the fuck is wrong with these girls’ or ‘Holy hell, I’ve always wanted to know that!’ Either way, you’ll get your answer now.
A donkey punch is a horrible thing. It’s very nearly assault. During anal sex, the fucker would punch the fuckee in the back of the head right before ejaculation. This (theoretically) causes the anal cavity to tighten up in response and makes the orgasm much more enjoyable for the fucker.
First of all, what the fuck is up with hitting people in the back of the head during sex? Dragons, and now donkeys too, involve hitting people in the head. I’d avoid any of these fucking animals at all costs if I were you.
In answer to your question, no you would NOT want your lover to do this to you. Ever. And if he does, please knock him the fuck out for me too. That’s just so many different kinds of wrong it’s not even funny. Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine.
So if your sexual partner donkey punches you without your consent, like you’d consent to that anyway, here’s what you do… First, you’ll want to wait until they’re asleep. Then I want you to take something roughly the size of a dick and shove it up his ass. There will be no need for lube because you’re proving a point here. When the asshole starts bucking, punch him in the back of the fucking head and ask him how he likes it. I can guarantee one thing… he’ll never do it again.
Conclusion: Donkey Punch = EPIC FAIL. In fact, it’s SO epically fucking fail we give it four saggy ass titties WAY down. And on a side note – don’t take Nan’s advice for revenge as it was just added for humor’s sake. If you really do get Donkey Punched, you’d be better off contacting law enforcement and pressing assault charges.
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