Shower sex. Yum, fucking, yum. Or even better, outside in the rain. Can’t you feel the water beating down on your naked flesh? Feels nice, doesn’t it? And your man is there, right behind you, caressing your body. His hands are roaming over your skin, following the trails of water straight to your sex. And well… if you don’t know what to do from there, we don’t know how to fucking help you.
Water play is most certainly fun. And you save a little water while you’re at it. Maybe. Probably. Yeah, because if he was that fucking horny, he’d have taken the time to rub one out in the shower. At least now you’ve saved 15 minutes of running water. You’ve done your green duty of the day. And you even got something out of it.
Just be careful, shower sex can sometimes lead to unfortunate accidents. All that ceramic and all that tile being wet = possibility of disaster. We suggest making sure you have a bath mat if you’re making whoopee in the shower. That will cut down on the chances of you falling and cracking your head open.
And a side note on having sex in the rain… in the movies they make it look fun, even sexy. That might be true, if you’re having sex in a warm, gentle shower. It’s not going to be so fun or sexy if it turns into a cold, wet downpour.
We give water sports 4 tits up. Have you noticed that we either really like stuff or we really don’t. At least we aren’t wishy-washy. Anyway… all tits considered, be green.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Q&A - Week 3, Part 1
Question
What are some good positions for people who are starting to have sex for the first time?
Anon
Khar Says: I first must admit that I can't speak on what I playfully refer to as "devirginization" from experience, so Nan may be a better authority on first-time sex. Mine was overly traumatic as it was forceful rape, so my view on it personally is a bit skewed. I have, however, done some pretty extensive research on the topic, so I'll speak from that.
There are pros and cons to every position, some allowing for deeper penetration, and they each differ on who is in control. When losing your virginity it is ideal to retain some control yourself, so the woman being on top would be the best option as you'd have nearly complete control over the situation. But realistically I know first timers are often nervous and of course inexperienced and would prefer to be guided somewhat. Typically people automatically go for missionary position, but I myself suggest spooning, because the penetration isn't too deep for a first timer and you both have almost equal control in the matter.
One thing I don't suggest, however, is doggy-style. The penetration is often too deep for the first time and you really lack all control. Plus it's usually not very intimate or romantic, and I think losing your virginity should be that way. It should have meaning to it and be special, and there's only so much romanticism to a guy bending you over and taking you from behind.
Hope that helps, and I recommend not doing it until you're 100% sure you're ready. Trust me when I say your virginity isn't something you want to have wasted, as you can't get it back and you don't want to spend the rest of your life wishing it could've meant something.
Nan Says: For first-timers, there are a lot of different things you can try to make it easier and less painful for you. Because, unless you’re hymen is already torn, it’s gonna hurt when that bad boy rips. My own deflowering happened nearly 14 years ago and I can still remember that it fucking hurt.
A lot of people just assume that missionary is the best position, or they’re not experienced enough to try something different. I’m going to say that missionary is probably NOT the way you want to lose your virginity. With missionary, you’ve relinquished any kind of control you might have had and given it to the guy. And that’s not always a bad thing, but he might not know how much force or pressure to use.
My suggestion would be for a girl to be on top. You can lower yourself down onto him at your own pace and you’re completely in control. You can’t stop him from bucking his hips up, but at least you can lift yourself up if need be.
Another good position would be spooning. But, if I could go back and do it again, I’d have been on top. Hope that answers your questions, and as always, please be safe and responsible when having sex. And never forget… at ANY point you are allowed to change your mind. Don’t let someone pressure you into having sex just because you’re already naked and you said you would. If you want to stop, you should always have the right to do so. *muah*
Conclusion: First, we all have to agree that giving up your virginity willingly is a pretty big deal. You have to be ready for it, and you have to really take into consideration the fact that it’s something you can never take back. Your virginity is a lot more important than your first kiss, or your first boyfriend, even if those things are very big moments in time.
Take your time and really make sure this is what you want. And don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want. But when you’re ready, give our suggestions a shot… it won’t take away the pain, but it might diminish it.
Hey there Khar and Nan
Boobies Bear
I thought I'd ask a question someone else might be a little afraid or embarrased to ask. I have no shame though.
How can a girl know if she's having (or ever had) an orgasm? Its not as obvious as a guy's orgasm, seeing as how I've never heard of a girl giving a guy and angry dragon.
Boobies Bear
Khar Says: I could sit here and spout off some medical terminology, but when it comes to orgasms I think it's better to just be straightforward. When a female orgasms, some pretty amazing things happen within the body. You'll feel a tension building within your pelvic region, for some people followed by a paralysis feeling in your muscles. The orgasm itself occurs when that tension built up from stimulation is suddenly released, which causes a series of involuntary muscle contractions in your pelvic area that can be felt in your vagina and uterus and even your rectum. It's an intense pleasure, one that can't be mistaken. You'll indeed know it, because you'll feel that pressure and then the immediate release. There's no mistaking it.
Here's an interesting tidbit for you about female orgasms... Did you know that when a woman has one, parts of her brain shut off? The parts that deal with anxiety and fear, actually any emotion in general, decreases activity significantly when a female is enduring an orgasm. The only part of the brain that increases function during a female orgasm is the cerebellum, which helps with the coordinating of movements. Scientists are, quite frankly, baffled as to why so much of the female brain reacts to an orgasm when it doesn't happen with men, but it's actual proof that a female can not enjoy sex unless she is free from anxiety... your brain will naturally shut down for you so you can. It goes to show that the mushy relaxed carefree can't think straight feeling you have immediately afterward is for a reason. The man didn't blow your mind; it was your own body intentionally shutting off parts of your brain.
One last parting tidbit - scientists aren't even sure WHY women have orgasms in the first place, they think it may just be an evolutionary fluke that just occurred (like, men having nipples). But I just have to say thank you whatever God or scientific fluke it is that gave them to us :o)
Nan Says: Part of me wants to give you the generic ‘When you have one, you’ll know’ answer, but I’m not gonna do that to you. It’s hard to explain as every orgasm is different, but remember from last week when we talked about what an orgasm is. And ultimately, an orgasm is the culmination of the built up sexual tension, the rapid heartbeat, the labored breathing… everything builds to an incredible crescendo before you find your release.
Toe curling would not be an inaccurate statement when talking about orgasms. They leave you feeling really big and really small, all at the same time. It’s bigger than words can explain. Words fail me as to properly explain them and I can’t give you medical terms… perhaps Khar can do so. I wish I could help more.
Conclusion: *low whistle* Check out the big brains on Khar! So we all learned a valuable lesson today… if a man can cause your brain to literally shut off that way, he’s a fucking keeper. And they don’t even realize that they’ve triggered your body into releasing every bit of stress and anxiety you’ve amassed over the day. Fascinating.
We fucking adore orgasms, literally. We wish we could have them repeatedly, and spontaneously, and all the fucking time. We’re gonna borrow all of your tits on this one, cause 4 just doesn’t do it fucking justice. All the titties, way up high for orgasms!!!
What are some good positions for people who are starting to have sex for the first time?
Anon
Khar Says: I first must admit that I can't speak on what I playfully refer to as "devirginization" from experience, so Nan may be a better authority on first-time sex. Mine was overly traumatic as it was forceful rape, so my view on it personally is a bit skewed. I have, however, done some pretty extensive research on the topic, so I'll speak from that.
There are pros and cons to every position, some allowing for deeper penetration, and they each differ on who is in control. When losing your virginity it is ideal to retain some control yourself, so the woman being on top would be the best option as you'd have nearly complete control over the situation. But realistically I know first timers are often nervous and of course inexperienced and would prefer to be guided somewhat. Typically people automatically go for missionary position, but I myself suggest spooning, because the penetration isn't too deep for a first timer and you both have almost equal control in the matter.
One thing I don't suggest, however, is doggy-style. The penetration is often too deep for the first time and you really lack all control. Plus it's usually not very intimate or romantic, and I think losing your virginity should be that way. It should have meaning to it and be special, and there's only so much romanticism to a guy bending you over and taking you from behind.
Hope that helps, and I recommend not doing it until you're 100% sure you're ready. Trust me when I say your virginity isn't something you want to have wasted, as you can't get it back and you don't want to spend the rest of your life wishing it could've meant something.
Nan Says: For first-timers, there are a lot of different things you can try to make it easier and less painful for you. Because, unless you’re hymen is already torn, it’s gonna hurt when that bad boy rips. My own deflowering happened nearly 14 years ago and I can still remember that it fucking hurt.
A lot of people just assume that missionary is the best position, or they’re not experienced enough to try something different. I’m going to say that missionary is probably NOT the way you want to lose your virginity. With missionary, you’ve relinquished any kind of control you might have had and given it to the guy. And that’s not always a bad thing, but he might not know how much force or pressure to use.
My suggestion would be for a girl to be on top. You can lower yourself down onto him at your own pace and you’re completely in control. You can’t stop him from bucking his hips up, but at least you can lift yourself up if need be.
Another good position would be spooning. But, if I could go back and do it again, I’d have been on top. Hope that answers your questions, and as always, please be safe and responsible when having sex. And never forget… at ANY point you are allowed to change your mind. Don’t let someone pressure you into having sex just because you’re already naked and you said you would. If you want to stop, you should always have the right to do so. *muah*
Conclusion: First, we all have to agree that giving up your virginity willingly is a pretty big deal. You have to be ready for it, and you have to really take into consideration the fact that it’s something you can never take back. Your virginity is a lot more important than your first kiss, or your first boyfriend, even if those things are very big moments in time.
Take your time and really make sure this is what you want. And don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want. But when you’re ready, give our suggestions a shot… it won’t take away the pain, but it might diminish it.
Hey there Khar and Nan
Boobies Bear
I thought I'd ask a question someone else might be a little afraid or embarrased to ask. I have no shame though.
How can a girl know if she's having (or ever had) an orgasm? Its not as obvious as a guy's orgasm, seeing as how I've never heard of a girl giving a guy and angry dragon.
Boobies Bear
Khar Says: I could sit here and spout off some medical terminology, but when it comes to orgasms I think it's better to just be straightforward. When a female orgasms, some pretty amazing things happen within the body. You'll feel a tension building within your pelvic region, for some people followed by a paralysis feeling in your muscles. The orgasm itself occurs when that tension built up from stimulation is suddenly released, which causes a series of involuntary muscle contractions in your pelvic area that can be felt in your vagina and uterus and even your rectum. It's an intense pleasure, one that can't be mistaken. You'll indeed know it, because you'll feel that pressure and then the immediate release. There's no mistaking it.
Here's an interesting tidbit for you about female orgasms... Did you know that when a woman has one, parts of her brain shut off? The parts that deal with anxiety and fear, actually any emotion in general, decreases activity significantly when a female is enduring an orgasm. The only part of the brain that increases function during a female orgasm is the cerebellum, which helps with the coordinating of movements. Scientists are, quite frankly, baffled as to why so much of the female brain reacts to an orgasm when it doesn't happen with men, but it's actual proof that a female can not enjoy sex unless she is free from anxiety... your brain will naturally shut down for you so you can. It goes to show that the mushy relaxed carefree can't think straight feeling you have immediately afterward is for a reason. The man didn't blow your mind; it was your own body intentionally shutting off parts of your brain.
One last parting tidbit - scientists aren't even sure WHY women have orgasms in the first place, they think it may just be an evolutionary fluke that just occurred (like, men having nipples). But I just have to say thank you whatever God or scientific fluke it is that gave them to us :o)
Nan Says: Part of me wants to give you the generic ‘When you have one, you’ll know’ answer, but I’m not gonna do that to you. It’s hard to explain as every orgasm is different, but remember from last week when we talked about what an orgasm is. And ultimately, an orgasm is the culmination of the built up sexual tension, the rapid heartbeat, the labored breathing… everything builds to an incredible crescendo before you find your release.
Toe curling would not be an inaccurate statement when talking about orgasms. They leave you feeling really big and really small, all at the same time. It’s bigger than words can explain. Words fail me as to properly explain them and I can’t give you medical terms… perhaps Khar can do so. I wish I could help more.
Conclusion: *low whistle* Check out the big brains on Khar! So we all learned a valuable lesson today… if a man can cause your brain to literally shut off that way, he’s a fucking keeper. And they don’t even realize that they’ve triggered your body into releasing every bit of stress and anxiety you’ve amassed over the day. Fascinating.
We fucking adore orgasms, literally. We wish we could have them repeatedly, and spontaneously, and all the fucking time. We’re gonna borrow all of your tits on this one, cause 4 just doesn’t do it fucking justice. All the titties, way up high for orgasms!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Q&A - Week 2, Part 2
Porn Star Bear here with my assisstant, Buttsecks Bear. (get it ASSisstant?)
Anyways, Khar and Nan, we were hoping you could give some direction on the wonderful world of the g-spot. I'll be honest, the men in my life - Gangsta Bear and Buttsecks Bear have been rather FAIL in this area. I mean, really, Buttsecks here is great, but my g-spot isn't in my arse. And Gansta Bear, well, lets just say he's no Edward Cullen...
How would a someone go about finding their, or their partner's gspot?
And yes, I'll be sending Gangta Bear over to read your answer to this pressing matter.
Porn Star and Buttsecks Bear
Khar Says: I swear to BOB, men seem to think the G-Spot is as mythical as some seemed to think the Angry Dragon was. And asking for some men to find it is like asking them to locate the Amber Room or find the Holy Grail. They think it's fruitless and won't even try, which leaves some women unable to experience true, uh, 'treasure'. Yeah, bad example, whatever, you get what I'm saying.
The G-Spot is actually the paraurethral gland and was discovered by Dr. Ernest Grafenberg (hence the 'G') to be pleasurable for females. Stimulating it can cause some of the most intense orgasms and can trigger true female ejaculation (aka 'squirting'). (On another note, how fuckawesome is that Dr? Imagine being known for all of time as being the first man to discover the G-Spot. He's EPIC, which is why I gave you his name lol)
Finding it isn't that difficult. Stick a finger or two up inside, hook them up toward the belly button, and slowly pull them out until you hit the little bean shaped spongy thing. It's about the size of a quarter and 1-2 inches back. It swells when blood rushes to it, much like a man's male parts do. You can't fucking miss it, seriously, so if a man says he can't find it, you need not be sleeping with him because he's fucking stupid or too lazy to deserve any pussy (yes, I said it).
Nan Says: G-Spot? *perks up* I like the g-spot. That’s for sure. And you want to know how to find your g-spot. This is right up my alley. :)
For a woman, the g-spot can be difficult to find based on the way your body is built. Generally, you can find it by inserting your longest finger into the vaginal cavity. You’ll want to insert it about two inches or so and curl your finger toward your belly-button. Right around there, you’ll find a bump… it’ll feel like a large, fleshy button. The skin of it will be wrinkled, like a walnut shell. That… is your g-spot.
Once you’ve found your g-spot, it’s easy to determine whether you need g-spot stimulation for orgasm, clitoral stimulation, or both. This is really helpful to know for masturbatory purposes, because while playing with yourself all day sounds good in theory, it’s not so good for your girlie bits.
And on a side note… you mentioned that your g-spot is not in your ass. While you are correct, did you know that the male g-spot IS in his ass? The prostate gland can provide a fuckton of pleasure for a man. In fact, some doctors prescribe prostate stimulation to keep it in good health. But that’s just a friendly public service announcement. ;)
Conclusion: So yeah, find that fucker and pay homage to Dr Grafenberg. Or the original ‘G’. Without him, men would still be lost. But riddle me this, how in the world was it a MAN who found it first? I am disappointed in our female contemporaries from that time. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
We give the g-spot four tits, way the fuck up.
Dear Khar & Nan,
I do a lot of reading and I'd like you to chime in on the cumming on command phenomenon that's so prevalent in fics. Edward says "Cum now, Bella" and presto - she does. She has magic orgasms. Thoughts?
Tracy
Khar Says: Magical orgasms are so prevalent in fics because quite frankly, women are writing out their fantasies. We all love Edward Cullen (why we do is an entirely different question...) and we all love cumming, and we'd all love to have both when we wanted to have them. Unfortunately, here in reality, it doesn't work that way.
Some women find it almost impossible to cum at all, much less on command.
Women aren't as 'easy' to get off as men, a lot of women can't get off on intercourse alone, and orgasming isn't a 'guarantee' with sex for us. For men, it's the culmination/main goal of sex... for us women, it's just a goddamn hope and dream sometimes.
We can chalk it up to one holding out to cum when they're supposed to, and in some lifestyles that's not that far-fetched (BDSM, for example, which i'm not educated enough about to address so if you have any questions on that, please contact Trish over there to the right who will answer all related questions) But for most, it's just not that plausible. In fact, it is indeed 'fiction'.
But, alas, it's pretty fucking hott to read. Just don't get your hopes up for it to happen to you, as the odds of it occurring regularly for the average woman is almost as bad as the odds are getting Edward Cullen into bed.
Nan Says: Ahhh… the magic orgasm. Wouldn’t that be amazing? To just be able to come whenever you wanted to? Just at someone’s command? How hot would that be?
To be honest with you, if it’s my opinion… I think it’s not so much that she has magic orgasms, as it is she holds herself off for so long and his command triggers it. At least that’s the way I would have written it.
But I wish I could have the magic orgasms. I’d get Brian to the point where he’d tell me to come at least 10 times a day. I’d be in a euphoric state forever! I can guarantee he’d get more housework out of me too… all for the price of a bunch of femme-spunk.
Conclusion: *le sigh* Fantasies… magic orgasms… squirting femme-spunk. All on command too… don’t you wish you could have it? We know we do. Even better if it was Edward Cullen doing the commanding. I’m sure, on some primal level, we could make our bodies cooperate to his every whim. Until then, we must either train our bodies to do that… and you’ll have to ask Trish about that… or deal with what you’ve got.
Magic orgasms only get two titties up since they’re fucking stuck here with us, in the real world.
Anyways, Khar and Nan, we were hoping you could give some direction on the wonderful world of the g-spot. I'll be honest, the men in my life - Gangsta Bear and Buttsecks Bear have been rather FAIL in this area. I mean, really, Buttsecks here is great, but my g-spot isn't in my arse. And Gansta Bear, well, lets just say he's no Edward Cullen...
How would a someone go about finding their, or their partner's gspot?
And yes, I'll be sending Gangta Bear over to read your answer to this pressing matter.
Porn Star and Buttsecks Bear
Khar Says: I swear to BOB, men seem to think the G-Spot is as mythical as some seemed to think the Angry Dragon was. And asking for some men to find it is like asking them to locate the Amber Room or find the Holy Grail. They think it's fruitless and won't even try, which leaves some women unable to experience true, uh, 'treasure'. Yeah, bad example, whatever, you get what I'm saying.
The G-Spot is actually the paraurethral gland and was discovered by Dr. Ernest Grafenberg (hence the 'G') to be pleasurable for females. Stimulating it can cause some of the most intense orgasms and can trigger true female ejaculation (aka 'squirting'). (On another note, how fuckawesome is that Dr? Imagine being known for all of time as being the first man to discover the G-Spot. He's EPIC, which is why I gave you his name lol)
Finding it isn't that difficult. Stick a finger or two up inside, hook them up toward the belly button, and slowly pull them out until you hit the little bean shaped spongy thing. It's about the size of a quarter and 1-2 inches back. It swells when blood rushes to it, much like a man's male parts do. You can't fucking miss it, seriously, so if a man says he can't find it, you need not be sleeping with him because he's fucking stupid or too lazy to deserve any pussy (yes, I said it).
Nan Says: G-Spot? *perks up* I like the g-spot. That’s for sure. And you want to know how to find your g-spot. This is right up my alley. :)
For a woman, the g-spot can be difficult to find based on the way your body is built. Generally, you can find it by inserting your longest finger into the vaginal cavity. You’ll want to insert it about two inches or so and curl your finger toward your belly-button. Right around there, you’ll find a bump… it’ll feel like a large, fleshy button. The skin of it will be wrinkled, like a walnut shell. That… is your g-spot.
Once you’ve found your g-spot, it’s easy to determine whether you need g-spot stimulation for orgasm, clitoral stimulation, or both. This is really helpful to know for masturbatory purposes, because while playing with yourself all day sounds good in theory, it’s not so good for your girlie bits.
And on a side note… you mentioned that your g-spot is not in your ass. While you are correct, did you know that the male g-spot IS in his ass? The prostate gland can provide a fuckton of pleasure for a man. In fact, some doctors prescribe prostate stimulation to keep it in good health. But that’s just a friendly public service announcement. ;)
Conclusion: So yeah, find that fucker and pay homage to Dr Grafenberg. Or the original ‘G’. Without him, men would still be lost. But riddle me this, how in the world was it a MAN who found it first? I am disappointed in our female contemporaries from that time. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
We give the g-spot four tits, way the fuck up.
Dear Khar & Nan,
I do a lot of reading and I'd like you to chime in on the cumming on command phenomenon that's so prevalent in fics. Edward says "Cum now, Bella" and presto - she does. She has magic orgasms. Thoughts?
Tracy
Khar Says: Magical orgasms are so prevalent in fics because quite frankly, women are writing out their fantasies. We all love Edward Cullen (why we do is an entirely different question...) and we all love cumming, and we'd all love to have both when we wanted to have them. Unfortunately, here in reality, it doesn't work that way.
Some women find it almost impossible to cum at all, much less on command.
Women aren't as 'easy' to get off as men, a lot of women can't get off on intercourse alone, and orgasming isn't a 'guarantee' with sex for us. For men, it's the culmination/main goal of sex... for us women, it's just a goddamn hope and dream sometimes.
We can chalk it up to one holding out to cum when they're supposed to, and in some lifestyles that's not that far-fetched (BDSM, for example, which i'm not educated enough about to address so if you have any questions on that, please contact Trish over there to the right who will answer all related questions) But for most, it's just not that plausible. In fact, it is indeed 'fiction'.
But, alas, it's pretty fucking hott to read. Just don't get your hopes up for it to happen to you, as the odds of it occurring regularly for the average woman is almost as bad as the odds are getting Edward Cullen into bed.
Nan Says: Ahhh… the magic orgasm. Wouldn’t that be amazing? To just be able to come whenever you wanted to? Just at someone’s command? How hot would that be?
To be honest with you, if it’s my opinion… I think it’s not so much that she has magic orgasms, as it is she holds herself off for so long and his command triggers it. At least that’s the way I would have written it.
But I wish I could have the magic orgasms. I’d get Brian to the point where he’d tell me to come at least 10 times a day. I’d be in a euphoric state forever! I can guarantee he’d get more housework out of me too… all for the price of a bunch of femme-spunk.
Conclusion: *le sigh* Fantasies… magic orgasms… squirting femme-spunk. All on command too… don’t you wish you could have it? We know we do. Even better if it was Edward Cullen doing the commanding. I’m sure, on some primal level, we could make our bodies cooperate to his every whim. Until then, we must either train our bodies to do that… and you’ll have to ask Trish about that… or deal with what you’ve got.
Magic orgasms only get two titties up since they’re fucking stuck here with us, in the real world.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Spit or swallow? Spit or swallow? The pros and cons of spit vs swallow.
If you suck cock, it’s inevitable. At some point in time, your man is gonna jizz in your mouth. The question is, when that happens, what are you gonna do with the spunk? I mean, you’ve got a mouth full of spunk and nothing to do with it.
At a certain point, you’re either gonna have to spit the shit out (and good luck finding a good spot after a surprise ejaculation), or you’re gonna have to put on your big girl panties and swallow that shit down.
Personally, I say don’t let it get to that point. If it can be avoided, stop sucking before he comes and jump right on and ride ‘em cowboy. It’s much more pleasant and you get something out of it as well.
But what about Road Head? Well, if a girl is smart, she plans ahead. Don’t give me that look… you know you fantasize about sucking him off when he’s driving. It’s dangerous, don’t get me wrong. Unless he’s got balls of steel and the control of a champion, you might not want to risk it. Do you really want to explain to your parents why you have to get a steering wheel component surgically removed from your head? Didn’t think so…
Anyway, back to the point, a smart girl plans Road Head in advance. If you’re a spitter, you might want to bring along an empty 20 oz bottle. If you’re a swallower, you’ll want to have something handy to rinse your mouth out.
We suggest swallowing. For some reason the taste seems to linger when you spit it out. Maybe it’s from holding it in your mouth so long, who knows? All we do know is that even if your man’s spunk is ambrosia, it’s still spunk… get the shit out of your mouth, quick. If you don’t, we’ll tell everyone you’re an amateur porn star.
At a certain point, you’re either gonna have to spit the shit out (and good luck finding a good spot after a surprise ejaculation), or you’re gonna have to put on your big girl panties and swallow that shit down.
Personally, I say don’t let it get to that point. If it can be avoided, stop sucking before he comes and jump right on and ride ‘em cowboy. It’s much more pleasant and you get something out of it as well.
But what about Road Head? Well, if a girl is smart, she plans ahead. Don’t give me that look… you know you fantasize about sucking him off when he’s driving. It’s dangerous, don’t get me wrong. Unless he’s got balls of steel and the control of a champion, you might not want to risk it. Do you really want to explain to your parents why you have to get a steering wheel component surgically removed from your head? Didn’t think so…
Anyway, back to the point, a smart girl plans Road Head in advance. If you’re a spitter, you might want to bring along an empty 20 oz bottle. If you’re a swallower, you’ll want to have something handy to rinse your mouth out.
We suggest swallowing. For some reason the taste seems to linger when you spit it out. Maybe it’s from holding it in your mouth so long, who knows? All we do know is that even if your man’s spunk is ambrosia, it’s still spunk… get the shit out of your mouth, quick. If you don’t, we’ll tell everyone you’re an amateur porn star.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Q&A - Week 2, Part 1
Question
Here's my question: Does size really matter to you females, or is that just some ego stroking bullshit you tell us guys?
I've got a million more questions, but Bam wouldn't answer that one for me honestly and I want to know.
Ben
Khar says: Goodness. First of all, to everyone reading this who isn't Ben, I think you should be aware that I would be the "Bam" he's referring to. Ben (for the time being anyway)(just kiddin') is my boyfriend and I'm going to tell you exactly what I've told him.
Size is not the most important factor. You have to know what you're doing with it, regardless of how big it is. I've been with a very well endowed man before who had no idea what he was doing with his dick and frankly I found myself simply laying there thinking "would he hurry the hell up?" but I've been with someone below average who knew what we was doing and could please me. (Don't wanna hear that shit Ben? Maybe you should've just taken my word on it earlier).
Nan will probably explain it better... but it's true. I like big dicks, I won't lie about that. Big dicks that curve upward? Even better. I'd take a small dick with skills over a big dick with no skills anyday, but the greatest of great? A well endowed man who knows what he's doing (So quit being so goddamn paranoid if you ever want laid again LOL)
Nan says: First of all, I can’t even tell you how incredibly happy I am that a guy is on here asking us a question. I’m bouncing around over here like a kid cracked out on Mt Dew and Pixie Sticks. *deep breaths* Okay, I’m good now.
If you really want an honest answer, I’ll give you one. Does size matter? Yes and no. A big dick is great, sure, but if he doesn’t know how to use it, what’s the fucking point? Right? And vice versa, if a guy’s a little less than average, but knows how to rock my world, more power to him.
Ultimately it’s not the size that makes the difference, Benny. It’s all in the way you rock it. What’s the adage? It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. And that’s God’s truth. So whatever Bam said, it was probably true and you just didn’t want to take it at face value. ;)
Conclusion: To be frank, we just want dick that knows what the fuck it’s doing. Big and small, we love them all. But only if they know how to fuck.
sexual healing…
I've been told that song is going to be played at my wedding.
Not sure how my parents would feel about that.
Anyways, I get really bad cramps on my period. Like, my uterus is trying to escape my body and my stomach is running the other direction cramps. Nice visual isn't it? I'm getting to the question, i swear. I've been told that orgasms help relieve that pain, is this true? I've never tried...
Shae
Khar says: Yes, indeed, orgasms are a GREAT way to relieve cramps. I'm not ashamed to say it's a tactic I utilize often.
The reason this works is because an orgasm causes your uterus to contract, which enables it to use up excess prostaglandins in the process. Prostagladins are the hormones produced by your uterine lining that help to stimulate contractions that move menstrual blood out. That's what causes the cramps, the prostaglandins that are creating small contractions to expel blood during your period.
Yeah, there's the medical mambo jambo. The short answer is, getting off indeed helps relieve cramps. Do it. I mean, fuck.... it can't hurt, ya know?
Nan says: That was a mighty nice visual… even more disturbing since I have actually had cramps that painful before. I think I just had sympathy pains. But in answer to your question, yes orgasm can help relieve the pain. Again we’ll go back to the endorphins released during an orgasm but then we’ll expound on it from there.
First you need to understand what an orgasm is. It’s hard to define since they are different for everyone. Even further, each encounter might trigger a different kind of orgasm, but we’ll go with the basics. An orgasm is the pleasurable release of built up tension and sexual energy.
When we orgasm, our hearts beat faster and our breathing comes quicker. The blood is pumped more quickly through our bodies and rushes to the groin. Oxytocin, one of those endorphins we were talking about earlier, is released in the brain giving you a happy and relaxed feeling. Our muscles begin to spasm and ultimately our pelvic muscles contract.
When your pelvic muscles contract it’s similar to a labor contraction, but on a much smaller scale. It feels more like a firm massage. The massaging can ease some of the discomfort from the cramps. Plus the endorphins can act as a pain blocker.
I’d suggest at least giving it a shot. It may or may not work for you, and a lot of that depends on the many factors of your orgasms. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer.
Conclusion: Khar rocks at the medical jargon. Nan has no fucking clue. But we do agree on one thing and that’s that orgasms can definitely make you feel better when you’re cramping. Four more tits way up. Like porn star tits too.
Here's my question: Does size really matter to you females, or is that just some ego stroking bullshit you tell us guys?
I've got a million more questions, but Bam wouldn't answer that one for me honestly and I want to know.
Ben
Khar says: Goodness. First of all, to everyone reading this who isn't Ben, I think you should be aware that I would be the "Bam" he's referring to. Ben (for the time being anyway)(just kiddin') is my boyfriend and I'm going to tell you exactly what I've told him.
Size is not the most important factor. You have to know what you're doing with it, regardless of how big it is. I've been with a very well endowed man before who had no idea what he was doing with his dick and frankly I found myself simply laying there thinking "would he hurry the hell up?" but I've been with someone below average who knew what we was doing and could please me. (Don't wanna hear that shit Ben? Maybe you should've just taken my word on it earlier).
Nan will probably explain it better... but it's true. I like big dicks, I won't lie about that. Big dicks that curve upward? Even better. I'd take a small dick with skills over a big dick with no skills anyday, but the greatest of great? A well endowed man who knows what he's doing (So quit being so goddamn paranoid if you ever want laid again LOL)
Nan says: First of all, I can’t even tell you how incredibly happy I am that a guy is on here asking us a question. I’m bouncing around over here like a kid cracked out on Mt Dew and Pixie Sticks. *deep breaths* Okay, I’m good now.
If you really want an honest answer, I’ll give you one. Does size matter? Yes and no. A big dick is great, sure, but if he doesn’t know how to use it, what’s the fucking point? Right? And vice versa, if a guy’s a little less than average, but knows how to rock my world, more power to him.
Ultimately it’s not the size that makes the difference, Benny. It’s all in the way you rock it. What’s the adage? It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. And that’s God’s truth. So whatever Bam said, it was probably true and you just didn’t want to take it at face value. ;)
Conclusion: To be frank, we just want dick that knows what the fuck it’s doing. Big and small, we love them all. But only if they know how to fuck.
sexual healing…
I've been told that song is going to be played at my wedding.
Not sure how my parents would feel about that.
Anyways, I get really bad cramps on my period. Like, my uterus is trying to escape my body and my stomach is running the other direction cramps. Nice visual isn't it? I'm getting to the question, i swear. I've been told that orgasms help relieve that pain, is this true? I've never tried...
Shae
Khar says: Yes, indeed, orgasms are a GREAT way to relieve cramps. I'm not ashamed to say it's a tactic I utilize often.
The reason this works is because an orgasm causes your uterus to contract, which enables it to use up excess prostaglandins in the process. Prostagladins are the hormones produced by your uterine lining that help to stimulate contractions that move menstrual blood out. That's what causes the cramps, the prostaglandins that are creating small contractions to expel blood during your period.
Yeah, there's the medical mambo jambo. The short answer is, getting off indeed helps relieve cramps. Do it. I mean, fuck.... it can't hurt, ya know?
Nan says: That was a mighty nice visual… even more disturbing since I have actually had cramps that painful before. I think I just had sympathy pains. But in answer to your question, yes orgasm can help relieve the pain. Again we’ll go back to the endorphins released during an orgasm but then we’ll expound on it from there.
First you need to understand what an orgasm is. It’s hard to define since they are different for everyone. Even further, each encounter might trigger a different kind of orgasm, but we’ll go with the basics. An orgasm is the pleasurable release of built up tension and sexual energy.
When we orgasm, our hearts beat faster and our breathing comes quicker. The blood is pumped more quickly through our bodies and rushes to the groin. Oxytocin, one of those endorphins we were talking about earlier, is released in the brain giving you a happy and relaxed feeling. Our muscles begin to spasm and ultimately our pelvic muscles contract.
When your pelvic muscles contract it’s similar to a labor contraction, but on a much smaller scale. It feels more like a firm massage. The massaging can ease some of the discomfort from the cramps. Plus the endorphins can act as a pain blocker.
I’d suggest at least giving it a shot. It may or may not work for you, and a lot of that depends on the many factors of your orgasms. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer.
Conclusion: Khar rocks at the medical jargon. Nan has no fucking clue. But we do agree on one thing and that’s that orgasms can definitely make you feel better when you’re cramping. Four more tits way up. Like porn star tits too.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Q&A - Week 1, Part 2
Question
Is it true that using a....um..... vibrator ::whispers:: too often can cause you to lose sensitivity.......down there?
Name Withheld
Khar says: This is actually quite a loaded question, and I suppose it depends on what you'd call "too often". There's no harm is using a vibrator five days a week, if you desire to. The main problem that lies with vibrators isn't losing sensitivity or using them too often, it's prolonged contact and causing nerve and muscular damage in the pelvic region, most often around the clitoris. This can cause a burning sensation, a sharp stabbing feeling, tingling, and itching. It doesn't feel pretty, I can assure you of that.
Prolonged use, or pressing against one area too hard or too long, can cause nerve inflammation and damage, which can be a long term problem that requires medical treatment. Many women who suffer this are too embarrassed to seek medical intervention because of the source problem, but it is a fixable situation and you can find relief with physical therapy and drug treatment. Nerves will settle and heal with time, but it can sometimes take years for things to be restored depending on the severity of the damage.
The easiest way to avoid this, regardless of if you use your vibrator once a month or multiple times a week, is to make sure you do NOT press too hard. Yes, sometimes we get carried away and get into it and it feels good and we're tempted to press hard directly on the clit, because frankly the shit can create intense orgasms. But you need to be careful, because those areas are sensitive and needed to be treated as so. Don't press too hard, and don't hold the vibe in one spot for a long time.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to say that vibrators are WONDERFUL and don't let 'what if's stop you from utilizing them, because ANYTHING, if used incorrectly, can cause you damage. If you follow some basic safety rules, most of which is simply common sense, vibrators are harmless. And remember, if it starts to burn during use or gets too intense, stop before you push yourself too far. Many of us who use vibrators, whether we admit it or not, have encountered a situation where we 'overdid' it and the next day (or for a few days afterward) the clit in overly sensitive, maybe even painful until it heals up.
Don't let it discourage you from vibe play every day, if that's what floats your boat. Just remember to respect your lady parts ladies, and listen to your bodies and never press too hard or too long.
Nan says: Surprisingly, there is not a lot of information to be had on the use of vibrators. It’s probably something that the medical community should start researching though. From everything I’ve ever heard or learned, normal vibrator use should not cause long term damage. Of course, normal use can cause temporary numbness, but generally feeling returns shortly after.
Think about it this way… the clitoris is a very sensitive part of your body. It’s covered by a thin hood of skin that’s also very sensitive. Neither of these parts of your body generally sees the sun, nor do they generally have any contact with anything other than your pants or your panties. So any kind of stimulation directly to the clitoris is going to affect it.
Now, we need to define ‘normal use’ of a vibrator. Using your vibrator even as many as five times during a week shouldn’t hurt you. What CAN possibly hurt you is how long you’re using your vibe. Anything in excess of 30 minutes or so runs the risk of causing serious damage.
The most important thing to remember when using any kind of toy is to properly clean your toy before and after each and every use. I would imagine that most cases of nerve damage have less to do with the use of the vibrator and more to do with the germs and bacteria growing on a vibrator that are then introduced to the vagina and the clitoris.
Even if you are the only person to you your vibrator (and sharing is generally not recommended) you can still get an infection from it. Most vibrators are made of a jelly like material that’s very porous. Even an anti-bacterial soap isn’t going to properly clean your toys because the soap can get stuck in the pores. A good toy cleaner (available at any adult novelty store or online) is highly recommended to clean your toy. The consistency of the cleaner assures that there will be no leftover residue and it has been formulated to not damage your toy.
Before and after use, you should always spritz your toy generously with an appropriate toy cleaner and let it set for about 30 seconds before rinsing thoroughly and patting dry with a paper towel. The correct kind of lube is also important when using toys. Silicone based lubricants can damage your toy by breaking down the outer jelly-like covering. Water based lubricants are suggested with silicone toys.
For further information, please follow these links:
http://www.emandlo.com/2009/03/dr-kate-bad-vibrations/
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Sexuality--Relationships/vibrators-and-sensitivity/show/262358
Conclusion: Bottom line, if you respect your toys and your body (most importantly your clit) using a vibrator is actually very healthy for you. The endorphins caused from an orgasm can do wonders for you. It can do anything from curing a headache to clearing out your sinuses. The afterglow of the orgasm also leaves you in a euphoric state, which is a much more natural cure for minor depression.
Khar and Nan use vibes responsibly and encourage you to do so as well. Another four enthusiastic tits up from us.
another question of concern
After reading your welcome note, I was struck with the realization that I am a bit lost...not that this is something unusual.
Inquiring minds must know..what the fuck is a DONKEY PUNCH...and why would I EVER want my husband to do it.?
More importantly....how do i keep myself from knocking the fuck out of him if he tried it...?
Just some basic thoughts...
Thanks,
Jenny
Khar says: I wanna get serious for a moment (yeah, I'm sorry, it comes from working with doctors) and say first and foremost, donkey punches are no joke. A donkey punch can result in serious harm and is potentially lethal. A blow to the back of the head can cause severe trauma... memory loss, pain, bleeding within the skull, sensory deficits, or neck injury. The neck injury could be severe to the point of it causing a fracture (aka a broken neck), which could lead to paralysis and death. All from something that medical professionals will tell you doesn't even work, because there is no definitive link between blunt force trauma to the head and the involuntarily tightening of the anus.
So essentially, you're assaulting a woman (or man, if that's your thing) and risking seriously harming them on the off chance that you don't knock them the fuck out with the blow and they'll accidentally tense up so make your orgasm feel better. Yeah... perfect sense guys. I assure you if you do it, you're going to wind up behind bars and some guy will likely try it out on you, because even the most hardened criminals are disgusted by sex offenders and women beaters (and you'll be classified as both after pulling a 'donkey punch')
Theoretically, they're fun to talk about. There are even different types of donkey punches, such as the Brass Donkey Punch (using brass knuckles) and the Atomic Donkey Punch (using an aluminum bat for the blow), which are even more harmful. And, of course, there's the never ending debate as to whether or not it has to be ass play, or if simply fucking the pussy doggystyle and punching them in the back of the head can be construed as a 'Donkey Punch'. I suppose it's like the chicken and the egg, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop. One will likely never know the answer.
Nan says: Donkey punch, eh? The banner must have people thinking… and you’re either thinking ‘What the fuck is wrong with these girls’ or ‘Holy hell, I’ve always wanted to know that!’ Either way, you’ll get your answer now.
A donkey punch is a horrible thing. It’s very nearly assault. During anal sex, the fucker would punch the fuckee in the back of the head right before ejaculation. This (theoretically) causes the anal cavity to tighten up in response and makes the orgasm much more enjoyable for the fucker.
First of all, what the fuck is up with hitting people in the back of the head during sex? Dragons, and now donkeys too, involve hitting people in the head. I’d avoid any of these fucking animals at all costs if I were you.
In answer to your question, no you would NOT want your lover to do this to you. Ever. And if he does, please knock him the fuck out for me too. That’s just so many different kinds of wrong it’s not even funny. Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine.
So if your sexual partner donkey punches you without your consent, like you’d consent to that anyway, here’s what you do… First, you’ll want to wait until they’re asleep. Then I want you to take something roughly the size of a dick and shove it up his ass. There will be no need for lube because you’re proving a point here. When the asshole starts bucking, punch him in the back of the fucking head and ask him how he likes it. I can guarantee one thing… he’ll never do it again.
Conclusion: Donkey Punch = EPIC FAIL. In fact, it’s SO epically fucking fail we give it four saggy ass titties WAY down. And on a side note – don’t take Nan’s advice for revenge as it was just added for humor’s sake. If you really do get Donkey Punched, you’d be better off contacting law enforcement and pressing assault charges.
Is it true that using a....um..... vibrator ::whispers:: too often can cause you to lose sensitivity.......down there?
Name Withheld
Khar says: This is actually quite a loaded question, and I suppose it depends on what you'd call "too often". There's no harm is using a vibrator five days a week, if you desire to. The main problem that lies with vibrators isn't losing sensitivity or using them too often, it's prolonged contact and causing nerve and muscular damage in the pelvic region, most often around the clitoris. This can cause a burning sensation, a sharp stabbing feeling, tingling, and itching. It doesn't feel pretty, I can assure you of that.
Prolonged use, or pressing against one area too hard or too long, can cause nerve inflammation and damage, which can be a long term problem that requires medical treatment. Many women who suffer this are too embarrassed to seek medical intervention because of the source problem, but it is a fixable situation and you can find relief with physical therapy and drug treatment. Nerves will settle and heal with time, but it can sometimes take years for things to be restored depending on the severity of the damage.
The easiest way to avoid this, regardless of if you use your vibrator once a month or multiple times a week, is to make sure you do NOT press too hard. Yes, sometimes we get carried away and get into it and it feels good and we're tempted to press hard directly on the clit, because frankly the shit can create intense orgasms. But you need to be careful, because those areas are sensitive and needed to be treated as so. Don't press too hard, and don't hold the vibe in one spot for a long time.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to say that vibrators are WONDERFUL and don't let 'what if's stop you from utilizing them, because ANYTHING, if used incorrectly, can cause you damage. If you follow some basic safety rules, most of which is simply common sense, vibrators are harmless. And remember, if it starts to burn during use or gets too intense, stop before you push yourself too far. Many of us who use vibrators, whether we admit it or not, have encountered a situation where we 'overdid' it and the next day (or for a few days afterward) the clit in overly sensitive, maybe even painful until it heals up.
Don't let it discourage you from vibe play every day, if that's what floats your boat. Just remember to respect your lady parts ladies, and listen to your bodies and never press too hard or too long.
Nan says: Surprisingly, there is not a lot of information to be had on the use of vibrators. It’s probably something that the medical community should start researching though. From everything I’ve ever heard or learned, normal vibrator use should not cause long term damage. Of course, normal use can cause temporary numbness, but generally feeling returns shortly after.
Think about it this way… the clitoris is a very sensitive part of your body. It’s covered by a thin hood of skin that’s also very sensitive. Neither of these parts of your body generally sees the sun, nor do they generally have any contact with anything other than your pants or your panties. So any kind of stimulation directly to the clitoris is going to affect it.
Now, we need to define ‘normal use’ of a vibrator. Using your vibrator even as many as five times during a week shouldn’t hurt you. What CAN possibly hurt you is how long you’re using your vibe. Anything in excess of 30 minutes or so runs the risk of causing serious damage.
The most important thing to remember when using any kind of toy is to properly clean your toy before and after each and every use. I would imagine that most cases of nerve damage have less to do with the use of the vibrator and more to do with the germs and bacteria growing on a vibrator that are then introduced to the vagina and the clitoris.
Even if you are the only person to you your vibrator (and sharing is generally not recommended) you can still get an infection from it. Most vibrators are made of a jelly like material that’s very porous. Even an anti-bacterial soap isn’t going to properly clean your toys because the soap can get stuck in the pores. A good toy cleaner (available at any adult novelty store or online) is highly recommended to clean your toy. The consistency of the cleaner assures that there will be no leftover residue and it has been formulated to not damage your toy.
Before and after use, you should always spritz your toy generously with an appropriate toy cleaner and let it set for about 30 seconds before rinsing thoroughly and patting dry with a paper towel. The correct kind of lube is also important when using toys. Silicone based lubricants can damage your toy by breaking down the outer jelly-like covering. Water based lubricants are suggested with silicone toys.
For further information, please follow these links:
http://www.emandlo.com/2009/03/dr-kate-bad-vibrations/
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Sexuality--Relationships/vibrators-and-sensitivity/show/262358
Conclusion: Bottom line, if you respect your toys and your body (most importantly your clit) using a vibrator is actually very healthy for you. The endorphins caused from an orgasm can do wonders for you. It can do anything from curing a headache to clearing out your sinuses. The afterglow of the orgasm also leaves you in a euphoric state, which is a much more natural cure for minor depression.
Khar and Nan use vibes responsibly and encourage you to do so as well. Another four enthusiastic tits up from us.
another question of concern
After reading your welcome note, I was struck with the realization that I am a bit lost...not that this is something unusual.
Inquiring minds must know..what the fuck is a DONKEY PUNCH...and why would I EVER want my husband to do it.?
More importantly....how do i keep myself from knocking the fuck out of him if he tried it...?
Just some basic thoughts...
Thanks,
Jenny
Khar says: I wanna get serious for a moment (yeah, I'm sorry, it comes from working with doctors) and say first and foremost, donkey punches are no joke. A donkey punch can result in serious harm and is potentially lethal. A blow to the back of the head can cause severe trauma... memory loss, pain, bleeding within the skull, sensory deficits, or neck injury. The neck injury could be severe to the point of it causing a fracture (aka a broken neck), which could lead to paralysis and death. All from something that medical professionals will tell you doesn't even work, because there is no definitive link between blunt force trauma to the head and the involuntarily tightening of the anus.
So essentially, you're assaulting a woman (or man, if that's your thing) and risking seriously harming them on the off chance that you don't knock them the fuck out with the blow and they'll accidentally tense up so make your orgasm feel better. Yeah... perfect sense guys. I assure you if you do it, you're going to wind up behind bars and some guy will likely try it out on you, because even the most hardened criminals are disgusted by sex offenders and women beaters (and you'll be classified as both after pulling a 'donkey punch')
Theoretically, they're fun to talk about. There are even different types of donkey punches, such as the Brass Donkey Punch (using brass knuckles) and the Atomic Donkey Punch (using an aluminum bat for the blow), which are even more harmful. And, of course, there's the never ending debate as to whether or not it has to be ass play, or if simply fucking the pussy doggystyle and punching them in the back of the head can be construed as a 'Donkey Punch'. I suppose it's like the chicken and the egg, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop. One will likely never know the answer.
Nan says: Donkey punch, eh? The banner must have people thinking… and you’re either thinking ‘What the fuck is wrong with these girls’ or ‘Holy hell, I’ve always wanted to know that!’ Either way, you’ll get your answer now.
A donkey punch is a horrible thing. It’s very nearly assault. During anal sex, the fucker would punch the fuckee in the back of the head right before ejaculation. This (theoretically) causes the anal cavity to tighten up in response and makes the orgasm much more enjoyable for the fucker.
First of all, what the fuck is up with hitting people in the back of the head during sex? Dragons, and now donkeys too, involve hitting people in the head. I’d avoid any of these fucking animals at all costs if I were you.
In answer to your question, no you would NOT want your lover to do this to you. Ever. And if he does, please knock him the fuck out for me too. That’s just so many different kinds of wrong it’s not even funny. Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine.
So if your sexual partner donkey punches you without your consent, like you’d consent to that anyway, here’s what you do… First, you’ll want to wait until they’re asleep. Then I want you to take something roughly the size of a dick and shove it up his ass. There will be no need for lube because you’re proving a point here. When the asshole starts bucking, punch him in the back of the fucking head and ask him how he likes it. I can guarantee one thing… he’ll never do it again.
Conclusion: Donkey Punch = EPIC FAIL. In fact, it’s SO epically fucking fail we give it four saggy ass titties WAY down. And on a side note – don’t take Nan’s advice for revenge as it was just added for humor’s sake. If you really do get Donkey Punched, you’d be better off contacting law enforcement and pressing assault charges.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sneak Attack Sex, the wonder that is you...
For our first edition of NTofW, we would like to discuss the phenomenon of Sneak Attack Sex, also known as SAS. Not all of us can be so lucky that we have a partner that can surprise the living hell out of us. Hell, sometimes I'm surprised he'll even put forth the effort anymore. But, I digress...
SAS is that wonderful moment when you curl up to your sleeping partner with the intention of joining them in slumber as well. Maybe they roll over when they feel your presence or maybe whatever you want to think... at a certain point, usually when you're just about to nod off a hand sneaks out of nowhere and pinches your clit. If you're a guy, her hand finds its way between your legs and she's got you by the balls.
In that one sparkling moment in time, sleep and drowsiness cease to exist, for you have just entered SAS. Now, what are you gonna do? Do you stop them? Hell, are they even awake? Might as well go with the flow... SAS is generally spectacular sex that tends to surprise your partner nearly as much as it surprises you. Khar and Nan give SAS four enthusiastic tits up. Roll with it.
Please don't forget to send it your questions! We've got things lined up for the rest of this week and all of next, but we need more to continue this gem. ;)
SAS is that wonderful moment when you curl up to your sleeping partner with the intention of joining them in slumber as well. Maybe they roll over when they feel your presence or maybe whatever you want to think... at a certain point, usually when you're just about to nod off a hand sneaks out of nowhere and pinches your clit. If you're a guy, her hand finds its way between your legs and she's got you by the balls.
In that one sparkling moment in time, sleep and drowsiness cease to exist, for you have just entered SAS. Now, what are you gonna do? Do you stop them? Hell, are they even awake? Might as well go with the flow... SAS is generally spectacular sex that tends to surprise your partner nearly as much as it surprises you. Khar and Nan give SAS four enthusiastic tits up. Roll with it.
Please don't forget to send it your questions! We've got things lined up for the rest of this week and all of next, but we need more to continue this gem. ;)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Q&A Week 1, Part 1
To The Depraved Den,
There has been alot of talk about The Angry Dragon lately and I would like to know,
Is the Angry Dragon any relation to having milk shoot out of your nose, i'll be a very distant cousin, and if so....how exactly does the man get the woman to laugh or choke to get the spunk to funk out of the nostrils?
Yours sincerely
TSO xxx
Khar says: Oh wow, like many other mythical creatures, the "Angry Dragon" is a bit of a mystery to most. Many whom have tried to discover the truth about it have failed horribly, others whom have witnessed it first hand are entirely too traumatized to tell the tale. Fortunately, I've been lucky enough to know someone and their (now former) partner with first-hand experience.
Angry Dragons can be produced in numerous ways, but essentially what you need to do is cut off the air flow the moment the jizz is shot in the mouth, because then it will have nowhere to go but up and out. There are so many different ways to cause that, many of which will likely get you arrested. The two most common circulated methods are a smack to the back of the head or a karate chop to the throat. Both will work on cutting off the air flow and the cum will come out of the nostrils, but the man will risk accidental semi-castration because of the physical force (which wouldn't be pretty, having your dick bitten off) and a charge of assault on a female.
A less violent way of producing an Angry Dragon, is simply thrusting your hips forward hard when you're cumming, ramming the dick down the throat and making them gag. This has other potential consequences, which is a completely different phenomena (sometimes known as the 'firebreathing dragon') but will ultimately possibly produce an angry dragon. This is usually the most common way Angry Dragons are created, occasionally by accident.
It is speculated that if a man aims at the right angle when he shoots his load, if he points his dick up, that you can possibly produce an angry dragon without any violent or demeaning tactics. While maybe it's possible, I wouldn't say it was probable, because what girl would honestly allow you to angle your dick at an angle to intentionally shoot it out of their nose?
Angry dragons aren't pleasant. Having anything go up and our your nostrils is painful, just like when you choke and liquid comes out. Remember how it felt last time you had a liquid come flying out your nostrils, and then imagine it being a gooey slime. Yeah, not fun.
So yes, Angry Dragons may be in the same family as choking on a drink and it coming out of your nostrils, but you won't recover from an angry dragon as quickly as you would milk. People are emotionally scarred from that. My friend, who shall remain nameless, has never sucked a dick again. The man who pulled the angry dragon on her? Not a fan of head anymore, not after her jaw locked down on his dick and the teeth dug in. Angry dragons ruin oral sex. What type of life is that? *le sigh*
Nan says: I would think yes, it’s very similar to shooting milk through your nose. Think about when you accidentally breathe while taking a drink of something. When the liquid goes down your air pipe it causes you to choke. When you choke, whatever air you have in your lungs forces its way up to get the liquid out.
During an Angry Dragon, the woman (or man, if that’s your thing) is performing oral sex. The receiver would then hit the giver on the back of the head just as he, the receiver, is about to come. The blow to the back of the head would probably cause you to suck in a breath, because who the hell wouldn’t be surprised to get hit in the back of the head? Anyway, this causes the choking, or gagging, reflex.
On a side note - I would imagine, since your ear canal, nasal passage, and throat are all connected that if there was enough spunk, it could possibly come out of your ears too. But that would have to be a lot, and I do mean a LOT of spunk. You’d probably choke first. I don’t suggest trying it.
Conclusion: Yep. Angry Dragon = bad in our book. Woe to the man who tries to fucking surprise us. We’re prepared for you now fuckers.
a burning question…
When giving head, I want to know if it is true that you can get the shit to taste better by having the man drink a lot of pineapple juice...I think I heard that some where...Hell I would have him drink piss if it would change the taste.
I Love this...can't wait to come up with more...
My own personal Dr. Ruths...ha ha ha
Love ya both,
Jenny
Khar says: Every mans taste is unique. Many women report finding men that have no taste at all (what wouldn't I give to find one of them?), but I think those men might simply be another mythical creature. There are numerous things that effect the taste of jizz, including diet, health, and how much he gets off. A man's fifth jizz of the day is going to taste different than his first. To get technical for a moment, the average ejaculation consists mostly of protein, citric acid, fructose (aka sugar), sodium/chloride (aka salt). Yeah, sounds a bit like a multivitamin, huh? There are other smaller amounts of chemicals in jizz, like ammonia, ascorbic acid, calcium, carbon dioxide, cholesterol, and creatine, but the first set is basically what gives the salty somewhat bitter taste that is commonly associate with spunk.
There are foods and drinks that can slightly improve the taste. Sugary fruits (Pineapple, melon, mango, ect) and leafy green vegetables are safe bets (avoid high-sulfur veggies). Drinking a shitload of water helps flush the system, and yes Jenny.... Pineapple Juice is WIN with altering the taste to make it slightly better. Basically, more sugar, less sulfur is the way to go.
However, no matter what you do, jizz is jizz. It's not candy, it's goddamn spunk. It's never going to taste pretty, but it won't kill you ;)
Nan says: There are a lot of things that change the way our bodily secretions smell or taste. For example, if you eat a lot of onions, or drink a lot of beer and then sweat a lot, you would smell like either onions or beer. The same would hold true for other secretions as well. Semen, saliva, vaginal fluids, sweat, etc… all are affected by our diet.
Things that contain a lot of chemicals or preservatives would make semen taste bitter. Like cigarettes. Semen from a smoker won’t taste like semen from a non-smoker. The only problem is that most of these changes would have to be long-term diet changes for you to really have the desired affect.
Pineapple juice is just one of the many different things you can do to improve the taste of your own secretions… because yes ladies, it works on you too. Other options include eating peppermint before fellatio. Not only will he enjoy the tingling sensations caused by the menthol against his skin, but it might mask the flavor of the semen as well. For further reading, I suggest you read this article: http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106
Conclusion: So there you have it. Sure you can make the spunk taste good, but when it all boils down to it, it’s still spunk. Pineapple juice is win, make your husband drink it everyday… not because you want to slob the knob, but just in case it happens by accident… and nothing is worse than a surprise jizzing… especially when it’s in your throat.
There has been alot of talk about The Angry Dragon lately and I would like to know,
Is the Angry Dragon any relation to having milk shoot out of your nose, i'll be a very distant cousin, and if so....how exactly does the man get the woman to laugh or choke to get the spunk to funk out of the nostrils?
Yours sincerely
TSO xxx
Khar says: Oh wow, like many other mythical creatures, the "Angry Dragon" is a bit of a mystery to most. Many whom have tried to discover the truth about it have failed horribly, others whom have witnessed it first hand are entirely too traumatized to tell the tale. Fortunately, I've been lucky enough to know someone and their (now former) partner with first-hand experience.
Angry Dragons can be produced in numerous ways, but essentially what you need to do is cut off the air flow the moment the jizz is shot in the mouth, because then it will have nowhere to go but up and out. There are so many different ways to cause that, many of which will likely get you arrested. The two most common circulated methods are a smack to the back of the head or a karate chop to the throat. Both will work on cutting off the air flow and the cum will come out of the nostrils, but the man will risk accidental semi-castration because of the physical force (which wouldn't be pretty, having your dick bitten off) and a charge of assault on a female.
A less violent way of producing an Angry Dragon, is simply thrusting your hips forward hard when you're cumming, ramming the dick down the throat and making them gag. This has other potential consequences, which is a completely different phenomena (sometimes known as the 'firebreathing dragon') but will ultimately possibly produce an angry dragon. This is usually the most common way Angry Dragons are created, occasionally by accident.
It is speculated that if a man aims at the right angle when he shoots his load, if he points his dick up, that you can possibly produce an angry dragon without any violent or demeaning tactics. While maybe it's possible, I wouldn't say it was probable, because what girl would honestly allow you to angle your dick at an angle to intentionally shoot it out of their nose?
Angry dragons aren't pleasant. Having anything go up and our your nostrils is painful, just like when you choke and liquid comes out. Remember how it felt last time you had a liquid come flying out your nostrils, and then imagine it being a gooey slime. Yeah, not fun.
So yes, Angry Dragons may be in the same family as choking on a drink and it coming out of your nostrils, but you won't recover from an angry dragon as quickly as you would milk. People are emotionally scarred from that. My friend, who shall remain nameless, has never sucked a dick again. The man who pulled the angry dragon on her? Not a fan of head anymore, not after her jaw locked down on his dick and the teeth dug in. Angry dragons ruin oral sex. What type of life is that? *le sigh*
Nan says: I would think yes, it’s very similar to shooting milk through your nose. Think about when you accidentally breathe while taking a drink of something. When the liquid goes down your air pipe it causes you to choke. When you choke, whatever air you have in your lungs forces its way up to get the liquid out.
During an Angry Dragon, the woman (or man, if that’s your thing) is performing oral sex. The receiver would then hit the giver on the back of the head just as he, the receiver, is about to come. The blow to the back of the head would probably cause you to suck in a breath, because who the hell wouldn’t be surprised to get hit in the back of the head? Anyway, this causes the choking, or gagging, reflex.
On a side note - I would imagine, since your ear canal, nasal passage, and throat are all connected that if there was enough spunk, it could possibly come out of your ears too. But that would have to be a lot, and I do mean a LOT of spunk. You’d probably choke first. I don’t suggest trying it.
Conclusion: Yep. Angry Dragon = bad in our book. Woe to the man who tries to fucking surprise us. We’re prepared for you now fuckers.
a burning question…
When giving head, I want to know if it is true that you can get the shit to taste better by having the man drink a lot of pineapple juice...I think I heard that some where...Hell I would have him drink piss if it would change the taste.
I Love this...can't wait to come up with more...
My own personal Dr. Ruths...ha ha ha
Love ya both,
Jenny
Khar says: Every mans taste is unique. Many women report finding men that have no taste at all (what wouldn't I give to find one of them?), but I think those men might simply be another mythical creature. There are numerous things that effect the taste of jizz, including diet, health, and how much he gets off. A man's fifth jizz of the day is going to taste different than his first. To get technical for a moment, the average ejaculation consists mostly of protein, citric acid, fructose (aka sugar), sodium/chloride (aka salt). Yeah, sounds a bit like a multivitamin, huh? There are other smaller amounts of chemicals in jizz, like ammonia, ascorbic acid, calcium, carbon dioxide, cholesterol, and creatine, but the first set is basically what gives the salty somewhat bitter taste that is commonly associate with spunk.
There are foods and drinks that can slightly improve the taste. Sugary fruits (Pineapple, melon, mango, ect) and leafy green vegetables are safe bets (avoid high-sulfur veggies). Drinking a shitload of water helps flush the system, and yes Jenny.... Pineapple Juice is WIN with altering the taste to make it slightly better. Basically, more sugar, less sulfur is the way to go.
However, no matter what you do, jizz is jizz. It's not candy, it's goddamn spunk. It's never going to taste pretty, but it won't kill you ;)
Nan says: There are a lot of things that change the way our bodily secretions smell or taste. For example, if you eat a lot of onions, or drink a lot of beer and then sweat a lot, you would smell like either onions or beer. The same would hold true for other secretions as well. Semen, saliva, vaginal fluids, sweat, etc… all are affected by our diet.
Things that contain a lot of chemicals or preservatives would make semen taste bitter. Like cigarettes. Semen from a smoker won’t taste like semen from a non-smoker. The only problem is that most of these changes would have to be long-term diet changes for you to really have the desired affect.
Pineapple juice is just one of the many different things you can do to improve the taste of your own secretions… because yes ladies, it works on you too. Other options include eating peppermint before fellatio. Not only will he enjoy the tingling sensations caused by the menthol against his skin, but it might mask the flavor of the semen as well. For further reading, I suggest you read this article: http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106
Conclusion: So there you have it. Sure you can make the spunk taste good, but when it all boils down to it, it’s still spunk. Pineapple juice is win, make your husband drink it everyday… not because you want to slob the knob, but just in case it happens by accident… and nothing is worse than a surprise jizzing… especially when it’s in your throat.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Come one, come all... and please do come, long and hard...
Welcome to the Den of Depravity... where you'll get thrills and chills you never imagined. Your deepest desires and your darkest fantasies can come to life. Or your curiosity can be sated at last. Do you have a burning question? Email us and we'll be happy to answer it for you. So sit back, relax, and grab your favorite vibe... it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Three times a week our lovely sexperts will come out and play. Twice they will offer you answers to the naughty questions you have running around in your mind. And once every week they'll share with you something naughty on their minds. So please, ask your questions, be they mild or wild, we're here to please.
Everyone's got a little (or a lot) of a freak inside. We'll show you ours if you show us yours. ;)
Three times a week our lovely sexperts will come out and play. Twice they will offer you answers to the naughty questions you have running around in your mind. And once every week they'll share with you something naughty on their minds. So please, ask your questions, be they mild or wild, we're here to please.
Everyone's got a little (or a lot) of a freak inside. We'll show you ours if you show us yours. ;)
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